Review of The Unnamable (1988) by Cory T — 19 Oct 2014

[Zero Stars] H.P. Lovecraft would twirl in his grave if he viewed the intolerably execrable 'The Unnamable'. This is obviously a Full Moon-like low-budget affair and the architectural design and lighting scheme are terribly chintzy (green, blue and hearth-effect gels are inexplicably strewn throughout the set).

The characters are foolhardy ignoramuses who unlock suspicious doors and split off in separate directions. A soft-core sex scene is shoehorned in for prurient tastes. All of the college students are played by 40-year-old actors.

The histrionics are atrocious but the main barnacle is Carter (Mark Kinsey Stephenson) since he is so misogynistic ("Just like a woman to faint") and self-absorbed that he is engrossed in reading ancient tomes while his friends are being slaughtered on the other floors.

There could be a drinking game for how often the characters recite each others' names. The finale is sophomoric insofar as tree branches are rustled in front of the camera as they wrest the succubus out the window.

The score is an incessant, bargain-basement mixing of a Casio keyboard with a flute. Other than the centaur UGG boots, the creature design is a grade above meritorious. Overall, the stillborn 'Unnamable' is one of the worst genre offerings I've had the displeasure of seeing this season.