Review of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010) by Jeffrey G — 13 Aug 2012

Any review of a Twilight film is pointless; those who hate it because they hate the fans will still hate it, and fans will love it because, well, they're dumb. Then you have people like me, who actually view the novels and the film on their own merits and review them objectively. People like me are in the minority. Regardless, here goes...

This is the best (so far) of the Twilight films, but saying "Hey, I just saw the best Twilight film!" is much akin to saying "Hey, I just got the most treatable cancer!" Neither experience is a good one.

They've stepped up the production values for this one and it shows--the wolves don't look so VERY CGI here--but it's all for naught as the films will never rise above their source material. The central characters and relationships in this series are ludicrous; the dialogue between the three leads consists of platitudes and one-liners that exist on greeting cards and in the minds of 14 year-old girls (and housewives with unsatisfying marriages). Speaking of the leads, it would appear that Stewart, given a real script and a real director to work with--see "Adventureland", Twi-fools!!!!--has some talent. Pattinson might too. But my GOD, I think Mr. Lautner has spent too much time reading his own press in magazines like People and Us. Yes, you look good without a shirt on, sir. That'll win you a gazillion points with Twilight's target audience--but good luck with your career when your target demo isn't 13-17 year-old girls. The best part about this film is, as it is in the first two, Billy Burke as Charlie Swan.

Oh, and seeing the trailer for"Red" was pure joy. It should say a lot about a film when, during the trailer for "Red", I turned to my wife and said: "A trailer featuring Helen Mirren in front of a Twilight movie? The entire target demo has NO CLUE who she is!".

*Sigh* Once again, I dedicate myself anew to showing real cinema in my film class.