Review of The Transformers: The Movie (1986) by Samuel T — 03 Sep 2015

Perhaps it's due to time and perspective, but the Transformers 1986 animated movie is a big breath of fresh air - compared to the Michael Bay films, of course. Yes, this film is noisy and busy and it has a bunch of characters who, if you're not previously familiarized with them, may go by at times in a blur. And actually, no not kidding, there is a Transformer named Blurr by the way, who of course is the fast-talking robot. But besides the point, this is a movie that is very naked about it being from a TV show, itself taken from a line of toys. It's not there to be very deep and doesn't pretend to be, though it has a couple of oddly ballsy moves that I'll get to in a moment. It's there to entertain boys ages 5 to 10. And that isn't one of those trivial points; the age distinction should be listed on the side of the tape like on the side of an action figure or video game console.

The plot... oh sheesh. So the Autobots have to fight the Decepticons (duh), and this time there's a, also no kidding, a giant Transformer that is basically a giant, spherical AI that eats planets. Or maybe Unicron IS a planet, or a planet made of artificial intelligence, I don't know, but this thing is coming after, well, everything, and it becomes a thing where even Megatron, the obstensible villain, is groveling at Unicron's, uh, not-feet. So the movie becomes a series of action scenes to string along this thin story, also involving a Transformer named Hot-Rod, who we can kind of distinguish because there's a little boy (the only human I think in the film) who is by its side when an attack happens on Earth.

This is thin stuff, but it shouldn't be about the plot, right? The downside of course is that there IS a lot of exposition to get through, not at all times but frequent enough, and while, unlike in the Bay films, I can tell the robots apart visually I got lost when it sometimes came to just remember such-and-such's name. Of course the gaggle of celebrity voices does help things, and some of them are character actors (very memorable ones to boot): Leonard Nimoy, Eric Idle, Judd Nelson, Lionel Stander (ever seen Cul de Sac?), Scatman Crothers and, wait, Casey Kasem was in this too(!) You can remember who some are since they are so distinctive, and Nimoy actually does a really memorable job as Galvatron, the "upgrade" for Megatron. I think, anyway.

The one that makes the film almost notorious in a weird way is Orson Welles. This was the end of the line for the man who started in movies as Charles Foster Effing Kane. It's been said that it's the sort of bottom low for someone of his stature to hit by the (what wasn't known as) the end of his career at the time. And yet, call me crazy, but Unicron was one of the most fascinating parts about the whole movie. Yes, it's a kids movie involving fighting robots in space - and all the better that it barely takes place on Earth - but the concept of a gigantic robot, so massive that it has the impending doom of the Death Star from Star Wars, is a cool and curious piece of intelligent 'what-if'-ness.

Though it's ultimately put to use for a 'Transformation' by the climax, I liked the idea that other robots, all robots, and worlds, would have to submit to this giant force, or what's called in psychology and philosophy as the "Big Other." It also just looks cool in the movie, and has depths and dimensions and designed parts that make it wholly stand out from most of the Transformer characters, who all have blank faces. At least Unicron, for as much as you might mock the name or its purpose to just consume, is distinctive and fits that out-there, science fiction cum comic book ideal. And Welles, albeit with an added post-production growl to his voice, does the character a deadly kind of presence that works as a performance.

If only I could actually care about some of these situations, or if the script was just a little more focused; the section with Optimus Prime early on is the exception, which seems to come as a big 'Oh Wow' moment story-wise - taking out one of your main characters for what one almost assumes could be the end of the movie (all scored to "You Got the Touch" in epic fashion). It should be noted this was a 'bridge' between seasons 2 and 3 of the show, so this might have been an even bigger deal if one was attached to the cartoon. Just taking the movie on its own terms, it's a fairly bold move - maybe too bold considering the scope of the rest of the production.

What else does one remember after the fire and fury of a movie like Transformers? Maybe the Sharktocons (sic) who have an appearance that brings out chuckles? Or how it's unmistakbaly Eric Idle as the one Transformer with a mustache and, of course, doing improv? Or the soundtrack (80's hair metal glory). A lot of this story is so light that it just barely makes up like three or four episodes connected of what the show would be, and the quality of the animation varies between having genuinely impressive and creative designs and effects, and looking just on level with all the other 80's animation of the period (Ninja Turtles and, to an extent, X-Men come to mind). But here, again, because of how the Transformers are designed, you can't exactly get too wrapped up in any of their features, just their voices. It is what it is, though it carries a certain charm I can never say the new Paramount productions carry.