Review of The Three Musketeers (2011) by Evan F — 23 Mar 2013

Paul W.S. Anderson continues to make films as a way to justify filming his wife doing emotionless spin-flip-kicks in IMAX 3D. Not a good movie in any way, but there are some fun performances from a cast that ranges from great character actors (Christoph Waltz, Mads Mikkelson, Ray Stevenson) to people they keep putting in movies even though nobody likes them (Orlando Bloom, Orlando Bloom, he's somehow.... worse... in this) to Milla Jovovich (who seems like she has literally forgotten how to act with her eyes) to "that weird Eurotrash dude from SLC Punk". It's all over the place. The script is incomprehensible nonsense, but after watching the last two Resident Evil films I can no longer discern logic from madness. On the plus side, the 3D looks badass and there is some sweet airship on airship action (Dumas was crazy about airships). Also, again, if you're a sucker for a dead-eyed Milla Jovovich parading through an unenthusiastic series of spin-flip-kicks, then buddy are you ever in for a treat.

PS- Don't go into this expecting a whole lot of Musketeers. D' Artagnan is the main character in this and the other Musketeers seem to vanish for a large portion of the film. I'm assuming that the actors simply forgot that they were making this movie.