Review of The Tall Man (2012) by Tom R — 01 Oct 2012

(1 Star) The Tall Man is an unscary, confusing, and frustrating "horror" movie. There are portions where I honestly didn't know what was going on... and it's not clever or bizarre like a David Lynch film. It feels like one of the longest movies I've ever seen, being neither scary or particularly entertaining. There's a part that seems like a twist ending, but then you realize there's still 40 minutes left of this garbage! It runs the gambit of being "bad:" stupidly bad, boringly bad, confusingly bad, and anger-inducing bad. It doesn't know who the main character is: Jessica Biel? The dumb chick who does the voiceover? The weird lady who looks like the main character from Brave went homeless?

I can deal with a horror movie this incompetent if it's scary or funny, but it's neither. The first "action scene" involving the Tall Man's Creepermobile is funny, but then all hope of it being a cheesy B-movie ends there. It's not a retelling of the internet tale about the slender man... that's why I was interested in it and that's why I'm sure a lot of people will be suckered into seeing it. It's a ridiculous psychological thriller with an ending my friend had to explain to me after looking it up on Wikipedia.

I know there's a huge audience for bad horror films. I'm guilty of trying to hunt down bad movies so long as they're entertaining to watch in a group. The Tall Man is a huge waste of everyone's time.