Review of The Shallows (2016) by Handsomedead — 24 Jun 2016

The only credit I am giving this film is good ass shots of the actress and good shots of the ocean.

This is probably the worst movie I have ever seen in a movie theater. If I had not been with my girlfriend (who really wanted to see this) I would have walked out about 30 minutes in and asked for a refund or a free movie pass or something. The trailer makes you think its going to be a suspenseful thriller but really its just a snoozefest. The only thing that kept me awake was the hamfisted jump-scares.

I was grating my teeth and yanking on my eyelids at all the drawn out boring scenes that act as filler to pad this terrible film. There is barely any dialogue except for the actress screaming and crying. Any dialogue between characters serves as a red herring to make you think there is more to this movie or something interesting might happen. There appears to be a sub-plot about the mysteriousness of the beach they are at. Never expanded upon or explained. We learn about her friend whom we never see and is entirely pointless and only serves as filler. The trailer makes it seem like the long haired guy who brings her to the beach somehow knows about her fate, but that would give the film too much credit in its writing (there are also two guys that are at the beach that you would also suspect knows something that she doesnt know but they are also pointless).

You know those youtube videos that are titled "_____ movie in 10 seconds"? well this is truly a movie that could have been 10 seconds long. do not watch this movie it is godawful and everyone involved in the writing and directing of this needs to be shot.