Review of The Man in the Iron Mask (1998) by Karen P — 15 Oct 2009

I always loved Bram Stoker's Dracula but felt that there just wasn't enough Keanu Reeves. Winona, sure. Cary Elwes...ok, but Gary Oldman ruined it with his authenticity. To my rejoicing I recently watched Man in the Iron Mask and found the gem I had been waiting my whole life for. This features not just one horrible period-piece performance but 4, 5...more than I can count! The dialogue sounds like it was lifted from a Medieval Times restaurant and delivered with stiltyness that would make C-3PO Cry. It's like the entire cast was taking turns at trying to reinterpret and thus save the abominable script. "Everyone, behold, it is I, John Malkovich. I cannot act worth beans but I will over-enunciate every word and stare with my creepy eyes as to make this line seem important". At least Keanu attempted an English accent. Here we have an amazingly crappy grab bag of dialects: English, American, Irish, something vaguely Frenchy. It's all too much.

Trivia: Hugh Laurie? John Malkovich? If Annie Lennox had been in this I would have just assumed that "Walking on Broken Glass" decided to expand to full length production.