Review of The Loft (2014) by Patrick L — 19 Aug 2015

"Hollywood just doesn't make this kind of thriller anymore, that's a good thing because this genre has run out of ideas".

DVD Movie Review: The Loft.

Date Viewed: May 27 2015.

Directed By Erik Van Looy (Loft).

Screenplay By Bart De Pauw and Wesley Strick, Story By Bart De Pauw.

Starring: Karl Urban, Wentworth Miller, James Marsden, Matthias Schoenaerts, Eric Stonestreet, Rhona Mitra, Rachael Taylor, Isabel Lucas, Valerie Cruz, Elaine Cassidy,.

Kali Rocha, Kristin Lehman, Robert Wisdom, and Margarita Levieva.

Well that was a nasty piece of business. "The Loft" is neither thrilling or compelling, it's just dull, ugly and really violent. This was another troubled production, it was shot in New Orleans four years ago and it's release date was changed multiple times. Warner Bros. and Dark Castle Entertainment originally had the rights to "The Loft" but they sold it to Universal. After leaving it on the shelf for a very long time, Universal decided to sell the rights to Open Road Films and they wanted to release "The Loft" in the dumping ground month of January. Oh yeah, this movie is also a remake of a Belgian thriller from 7 years ago and it was made by the same man, Erik Van Looy who tarnished his own film.

"The Loft" is not only an unpleasant movie to sit through, it makes "Fifty Shades of Grey" look like "The Lord of the Rings Trilogy". This lame thriller is about five married guys who share ownership of a lavish loft. Why do these guys want to share the ownership of a loft? Because they want to have affairs with their mistresses. When they discover the body of a murdered woman on the bed, Vincent (Karl Urban), Chris (James Marsden), Philip (Matthias Schoenaerts, who also starred in the 2008 original), Luke (Wentworth Miller) and Marty (Eric Stonestreet) scramble to figure out who handcuffed and murdered the young woman before somebody comes in and finds out what happened here.

A big chunk of the movie involves the men pointing fingers at each other suspecting that either he or he or he could be the murderer and saying things like, "You sick f$&@", "You mother$&@?!", "You're a f$&@ing a$&@hole" and of course "F$&@ YOU!". Would you want to spend a weekend in Hawaii with these people? HELL NO! I wouldn't even play golf with these people because they are so sleazy and despicable. Even the women in this movie are treated poorly, the so-called mistresses either have to look under 25 years old, get a big-bubble butt or have giant melons in order to look attractive. The women in this movie are either shrews, sluts, whores or ice queens.

There's nobody to root for in this movie because everybody is a complete A-hole. There's an old curse in Hollywood when somebody comes in and that somebody remakes a movie he/or she already made years ago. George Sluizer and Ken Scott tried to remake their movies in English with "The Vanishing" and "Delivery Man" but both of them were miserable failures. Director Erik Van Looy should've known better and I'm surprised that the script wasn't penned by Joe Eszterhas. Basically, "The Loft" is "Basic Instinct" for guys who don't give a s$!&@ about their marriage.