Review of The Libertine (2004) by Nikki U — 10 Nov 2009

I believe that if you spend too long digging in the back of the video store then you will eventually find some real crap and this certainly is.

It started off excitingly enough with Johnny Depp (I mean his character John Wilmot second Earl of Rochester) staring into the camera stating that he is always up for a shag, with both men and women and I'm sure that got everyone attention in the movie theater when it was released.

It doesn't matter if a movie isn't historically accurate as long as it is entertaining and at least creative.

The Libertine is neither entertaining nor creative and is plays like it was written by a childish teenager giggling at the use of picks, cunts and dildos.

I think I am so disappointed with this movie as I believe there was potential to make at least an average movie depicting wildly unknown decadence and debauchery that occurred during the reign of Charles II but the director Laurence Dunmore really messed this up.

Firstly this movie literally sent me to sleep, it contained too little events to keep the audiences attention and and the sudo-period dialogue confused rather than enhanced the plot which left me looking at my dvd clock wishing for the torture to end.

Not to be too unkind to Samantha Morton but she looks like Golum in a dress and is about as appealing as Johnny Depps character covered in Small Pox (later in the movie).

I just believe that directors should have at least believable love interests, Samantha Morton is a character actress and certainly provides little otherwise.

My biggest criticism of this movie however is the use of Johnny Vegas, I noted that his name is omitted from the DVD sleeve of the movie and I'm not surprised.

Johnny Vegas is an idiot, he gives northern men a bad name and literally repulses me and thus I was mortified to see this idiot sitting alongside Mr Depp, so mortified in fact that I was tempted to stop watching the movie there and then.

But I continued so I could map the direction of such dross, as I was expected I was constantly irritated by the presence of Mr Vegas, irritation which was only soothed by the on screen performance of John Malkovich, who like his English equivalent Ralph Fiennes is the best example of Non drug based sleeping pills I've ever seen.

In summary a terrible watch even for a £2.00 rental fee I would avoid like the plague.