Review of The Legend of Tarzan (2016) by Clintspice — 15 Jul 2016

Tarzan sets a new low standard for big budget summer movies in terms of writing, directing, and acting! Western culture is depicted as hopelessly corrupt and evil while the black African people are all stereotypically portrayed as the noble savage. There is plenty to take offense at in this movie from all sides. While the black tribal people are portrayed as wise and passionate, they are also apparently incapable of accomplishing anything until a white aristocrat (Tarzan) comes to solve all their problems for them. Some of that patronizing plot line comes out of the original story I supposed but is so over the top in this movie as to be cringingly offensive to both white and black patrons.

The animals are all humanized to Disneyesk proportions. I am willing to suspend disbelief for a well written story, but found this to be impossible as the ludicrous plot unfolded. A well written and told story can keep you engaged in even extreme flights of fantasy, but this movie jerked me back to reality so often I just stopped caring.

If you are Christian or specifically Catholic be aware that this movie goes out of its way to take jabs at your faith. The antagonist is a cookie-cutter amalgam of several evil movie and cartoon villains. He constantly carries a rosary, which he uses to restrain and strangle his innocent opponents. At one point he mentions that he was given the rosary by a priest friend when he was nine. This is followed by a ham-handed insinuation by the heroine (Jane) of pedophilia.

The acting in this movie is atrocious. Tarzan, as played by Alexander Skarsgard, is flat, insipid, and hopelessly boring. Jane, played by Margo Robbie, is so awfully portrayed as to be off-putting. Take some acting lessons people! Having a pretty face was apparently the only casting requirement for these two. Talented actor Samuel L. Jackson plays the sidekick role and does attempt to make something out of this sows ear of a film, but his effort is all for naught. The supporting cast are all crippled by the lazyness or incompetence of the director in that each were apparently assigned a single personality trait and made to doggedly stick with it regardless of context. There is zero character development in this film.

The writing and directing are the crowning turds on this steaming pile of a movie. Amateurish, and hopelessly politically motivated are the best I can say about either effort. It appeared to me that the director had simply watched other films and copied the visual effects randomly throughout this film adding little or no creativity of his own - Boring. The writing speaks for itself and could have been penned by a high school coach who occasionally subs the drama class.

Finally the score is utterly forgettable and obviously cut and pasted at final edit from generic stock music with labels like “Dramatic” or “Awe Inspiring”’, etc.

The Coke and popcorn were excellent however, as was the seating in the newly refurbished Grand Prairie Cinemark Movie 16 - so it wasn't a total waste.