Review of The Last House on the Left (1972) by Terry P — 16 Jul 2009

Alright, first order of business for my legion of fans (hey, two fans is a duo - three counts as legion, right?), two days ago I watched a movie called "Marebito" that absolutely floored me. I picked it up because Takashi Shimizu directed it, and for those keeping score, Shimizu is the mind behind the "Ju-On" and "Grudge" films, which is my favorite movie franchise of all time (yes, better than "Friday the 13th"). The "Ju-On" and "Grudge" movie posters line my walls like a shrine (not that I'm obsessed or anything), and I started watching it fearing that Shimizu wouldn't be able to deliver without Takako Fuji and her creeptacular "Kayako" croaking going on...but this is the best movie he has ever done. Since I considered his "Ju-On" to be the best horror movie of the decade, I guess that means we have a new champion. I was even considering inducting it this week, but I fear that I'm still in the "new movie fuzziness" phase, and I have to watch it a couple more times before I'm ready to hand out that prestigious award. I'm sure you're all salivating in suspense. Nonetheless, "Marebito" is an awesome movie, Joe Bob says check it out.

ANYWAY...

This week's induction takes us all the way back to 1973. A few months back, I picked up the special collector's edition DVD of Wes Craven's "Last House on the Left." A remake was just released this year, but I highly encourage all of you who either (a) don't know what I'm talking about, or (b) saw the remake and didn't know that it WAS a remake, to pick up this DVD. It's got some very interesting stuff that you've never seen anywhere, and is well worth your $19.95.

Let me start off the review portion of this manifesto with a simple statement - as a movie, the O.G. version of "Last House" is pretty bad. The cinematography is awful, the acting (with the exception of the villains - more on that later) is atrocious even by slasher movie standards, and the sound is grating to a fault. Despite all that, "Last House on the Left" is a pretty important film in the annals of horror movies, and one that every horror fan should sit through at least once if for no other reason than this movie is a shining example of film economy. For the price of a decent used car today, this tiny cast and crew made a movie that made $63 million worldwide, which was HUGE by 1973 standards. It was a movie that caused an uproar when it was released, with more than a few violent incidents in movie theaters involving crowds attempting to break into the projection rooms in an effort to burn the negatives. We need more flicks like that today.

Yep, this was Wes Craven's first horror movie. He's definitely come a long way since then. He has two legitimate horror franchises to his name in "Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Scream," and "Red Eye" ranks as one of my favorite thrillers of the decade. Now, he's a competent director with a great eye for the macabre, but here? Yikes. You haven't seen boredom until you've seen a mid-'30s college professor-turned-editor trying to shoot chase scenes in the forest that leave audiences wondering what the hell is going on, but there's more to this movie than just how badly it is shot. Luckily.

This film tells the story of two not-so-innocent young ladies named Mari (Sandra Cassell) and Phyllis (Lucy Grantham), and how after venturing out to the big city, they are taken in by a brutal gang of thugs, kidnapped and driven back out to the country, where the two girls are demeaned, menaced, raped, and in Phyllis' case, butchered. The thugs (Fred Lincoln, David Hess, Marc Sheffler, and very interestingly for the time period, a female played by the gorgeous Jeramie "Jerry" Rain) then lead Mari to a nearby lake, where they shoot her and leave her for dead.

Discovering that their car no longer runs, the thugs then decide to hike to the nearest house they can find.....which, in an ironic twist, belongs to Mari's parents. As mentioned before, this is an important movie to see because of its historical significance; "Last House on the Left" really raised the bar for horror films back in it's day, and was so intense, it prompted its creators to give it the tagline, "Just keep telling yourself....it's only a movie! It's only a movie!" Make no mistake about it; when this movie is focused on the violence taking place, it IS nerve wracking. Lincoln, Sheffler, and especially Hess are all too believable as scummy street thugs who could honestly do something like this with clean consciences. This makes them all the more easily hated by the audience, and by the time the finale rolls around, you really, really, REALLY want them to get what's coming to them.

That's the good, but one more complaint, in addition to the ones I listed three paragraphs back. When this movie is at its most harrowing during the torture/rape scenes about midway through the film, it's in the zone. However, for some stupid-ASS reason, director Craven got cold feet with the proceedings and decided to keep cutting to two Keystone Cops-esque characters who damn near sink the entire movie. Perhaps if the cops had been portrayed as an actual threat to the antagonists, "Last House" would legitimately deserve the term "masterpiece." Alas, it isn't. While the power of the violence in "Last House" could have disguised the other flaws in the movie, the cops really take you out of the action.

But now for more good - hey, it's a first in the annals of movies. This was the first movie of its kind to show this kind of brutal violence, with or without dumb cops holding the film back. But the real reason that this movie is induction-worthy is the fact that the DVD of "Last House on the Left" is a must-buy, as it contains a set of special features that I rank among the best I've ever seen. This version of the film has been cleaned up, and some scenes extended and re-inserted so that the film is presented the way the director intended it. Also included are several featurettes, a deleted scene and some raw test footage that only confirms what the three lead male actors tell you in their commentary: Craven sucked as a director at this point in time.

Ahhh...the commentary. Quite possibly the best DVD special feature I've EVER seen is the cast commentary contained on this DVD.

David Hess (who also scored the film, and is quite frankly brilliant as a film composer), Fred Lincoln (who, of the three, is the most vocal critic of Craven) and Marc Sheffler all get together some thirty plus years later to discuss the film that launched their respective careers....or failed to, in most cases. This is truly the reason *I* bought this film (well, that, and my other copy was scratched all to hell by a buddy who borrowed it using it as a beer coaster) and it delivers, in my opinion, exactly what a commentary should. There's none of that "Oh you were so brilliant in this scene" verbal blowjob like you might find on a big studio release....no, this is three old chums busting each other's balls and giving you the straight info on the film they made. It's fun, easy to listen to, and provides some great insight into the making of this film. Some choice info:

*Sandra Cassell, who played Mari, was one of the worst actresses ANYONE involved had ever come across, and could not emote to save her life. So, in a case of extreme frustration, actor Marc Sheffler actually grabbed her by the shirt, drug her over to a medium sized cliff, and threatened to throw her off for real unless she started crying "right that f***ing second." Craven yelled "Action!", Cassell burst into tears, and they got the shot they wanted. Makes me wonder why no one has tried that with Jessica Alba yet.

*Apparently, all three leads either had straight intercourse with, or got gratification from, Lucy Grantham, who played Phyllis. They compliment her amazing body to no end, as well as her acting chops, which honestly surprised them all.

*Fred Lincoln was constantly helping Craven to direct the film, as Craven didn't know what the fuck he was doing, at one point attempting to shoot a chase scene with a stationary tripod. Lincoln, whose character is the recipient of the infamous bitten-off dick scene, actually wanted Craven to shoot the woman spitting something out into the lake, just so audiences would get what actually had happened to him. They didn't get the shot, but in the long run, it was obvious enough as it was.

*David Hess talks of how the movie actually made him so infamous in New York that people would cross the street to get away from him.

*All three leads agree that the film could never be remade....at least, not without them! In all seriousness, they simply do not think that the lightning in a bottle that was "Last House on the Left" could ever be recaptured with a new cast.

In short, "Last House on the Left" as a movie is marginal at best - for one ten minute stretch, it's awesome, but then you're left with 80 minutes of massive fill-in. But as an example of independent filmmaking with a raw crummy ability to shock, it's top notch - and the stories you'll hear in the commentary will have you in stitches (believe me, the ones I listed above are just scratching the surface).

P.S. My rating for the movie is actually balanced out between two things which result in its final **** rating.

Movie - ** 1/2.

DVD - ***** for the commentary ALONE.