Review of The Karate Kid (2010) by Chads. — 13 Jun 2010

Some things are sacred. With bated breath, you wait for the line, but the line goes unspoken, and you're relieved, because the line can retain its immaculacy and filmic chastity in the celluloidal time capsule.

After all, there can only be one "sweep the leg". (Martin Cove circa 1984, still the best.) More importantly, there can only be one crane kick. At the pivotal moment, when victory or defeat hangs in the balance, Jaden Smith does his own thing, allowing Ralph Macchio to keep Danny LaRusso's signature move all to himself.

Should the major studios get around to remaking the whole of eighties cinema, even Walter Hill's "Crossroads", in which Macchio outduels Steve Vai like "The Shredder Kid" for his soul, let the new Eugene Martone(aka "Lightning Boy") vanquish Dweezil Zappa instead.

Vying with the John G. Avildsen original for bragging rights, this overlong but surprisingly effective(and pertinent) "Karate Kid" rendering has the advantage of its vivid Chinese backdrop, which sets up a fish-out-of-water scenario that any English-speaking moviegoer can identify with.

The movie never really answers as to why Sherry(Taraji P. Henson) had to drag his son halfway around the planet, instead of, say, Seattle. China intimidates; China is the new Japan. Economically speaking, China owns us, on account of the borrowed money(three-trillion and counting) lended to us by the hard-charging superpower, which comprises the bulk of our national debt.

This simple fact, America's vulnerability to our easterly neighbor, most definitely is ingrained firmly within the narrative. Prior to China joining the WTO(World Trade Organization) in 2001, an American like Trey might have been looked upon with awe, and not treated with such animosity from Cheng(Zhenwei Wang) and his friends, who are so thoroughly brainwashed by the "no mercy" philosophy of their "sensei", they resemble WWII Japanese soldiers descending on Nanking, due to their unflagging single-mindedness for destruction, as Dre becomes the victim to a sort of "Detroit Massacre" when the merciless Cheng nearly kills Dre in a one-against-five confrontation.

But then, out of nowhere, it's Mr. Han to the rescue, just like the Ash song "Kung Fu"("C'mon, Jackie Chan/Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, oh."). No doubt about it, China has come a long way since Mark Salzman's "Iron and Silk", the 1987 film about an American English teacher's adventures in Changsha, Hunan, a more innocent time when the Chinese denizens probably still revered the America lifestyle.

Back then. Michael Jackson was "bad", not dead. And Detroit still stood a fighting chance for an economic renewal.