Review of The Haunting in Connecticut (2009) by Jeff B — 14 Jul 2010

When a thriller begins with an opening credits sequence stolen outright from the much better thriller called The Others, filmgoers know that they are headed right for the crapper. And sadly, the pics-of-the-dead opening sequence is the best part of this creaky horror film that has amazingly inspired a gag reflex in your reviewer. The fact that Oscar-nominated actress Virginia Madsen might have signed on for this dreck AFTER reading a script involving unburied bodies and a cancer-stricken boy able to see the dead means that she just might be dead inside herself.

In this PG-13-rated thriller, a family plagued by supernatural events (Madsen, et al) discovers that their house is a former mortuary with a dark past.

The film begins with the proclamation 'Based on the true story' and continues to wear this boast like an Olympic medal throughout 94 painful minutes. Every trick in the book is used. Doors slamming and lights going on and off? Check. Ghostly children popping in and out of frame? Double check. A religious figure who walks in and instantaneously knows what the hell's causing such bedlam? Triple check. Everything neatly wrapped up with nobody headed into therapy after being sodomized by ghosts? Check, please. This obviously untrue story is so silly that it makes The Amityville Horror look like Gone with the Effing Wind. Worse, it is not frightening save for the moment the audience leaves the theater and realizes they just lost over an hour and half of their lives watching Casper shit the bed.

Bottom line: Six feet under.