Review of The Five Obstructions (2003) by Siddharth D — 19 Mar 2008

I noted the time I stopped watching this: 45 minutes into the film. Holy Hannah, it goes on for another 45 minutes according to the jacket. I've spent a long 45 minutes many times in my life. A few oral surgeries come to mind.

And only halfway there. Watching the entire thing would be the equivalent of surviving botched oral surgery, with ensuing complications even. I quote the entire Netflix blurb, the one that suckered idiot me in: Danish filmmaker Lars von Trier, a leader in the Dogme 95 movement (which eschewed artificial lighting and props and promoted digital video), is legendary for his one-of-a-kind approach to moviemaking and the memorable fruits of his labors.

In this collaboration with fellow director Jorgen Leth, von Trier challenges Leth to remake his 1967 movie The Perfect Human and documents the entire process, allowing viewers to see two geniuses at work.

Allowing? Allowing! Oh, mahalo nui loa for the crumbs. Flixster friends, I would call your attention to the word "geniuses." Now I know I'm not a smart man. Perfect proof of this fact is that I often make the stupid assumption that when someone uses a word, say a word like "genius" or "geniuses," that this use of the word somehow matches my own idea of what the word means.

In this case, I am disappointed in my clueless assumption yet again. I am not watching my idea of geniuses at work here. What I am watching is two very self-absorbed guys, who aren't geniuses in my universe, playing an irritating game, and that game is boring me to death.

If only one of them would pull out a gun and introduce the ultimate obstruction -- killing the other one so the pain/film would end abruptly -- like unexpectedly opening the door so that the string goes taught in surprise and pulls the tooth out instantly, when you least expect it.

A move like that would be pure genius in my personal dictionary. Walter, if you haven't already guessed it, I have another winner for our little list. Even worse, I'm particularly po'd right this minute because, in wasting time watching this piece of cruft, I just realized I've missed two-thirds of a two-hour documentary on Thelonius Monk.

Dare I say, a "genius" in my book. Borat this borating movie.