Review of The Expendables (2010) by Shiira — 15 Aug 2010

No offense to Jason Stratham and the other guys, especially Jet Li, but the moviegoer wants Schwarzenegger, Willis, and Rourke on that plane with Sylvester Stallone, en route to Vilena, because in order for the killshots and explosions to jar the senses, the climactic violence needs ameliorating, a context that would remind the moviegoer of "Commando", "Die Hard", and "On Deadly Ground"(c'mon Seagal, why'd you have to be such a Ty Cobb in this "Killing Field of Dreams"?), masterpieces of cheese, all.

To everybody's disappointment, Schwarzenegger and Willis are nowhere near a bazooka, grenade launcher, or AK-47; they're near God, in a church where they...talk. In theory, a scene that pairs Stallone and Schwarzenegger, together at last, should be a monumental event, like when Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro joined forces in Michael Mann's "Heat", until you realize that both actors are better appreciated for their physicality and catch phrases.

("Yo, Adrian!" and "Hasta la vista, baby," respectively.) As for Willis, wouldn't it be appropriate if he died, hard, in the line of duty, in a film that salutes the action films of the eighties? Sadly, the more famous stars let the lesser lights do the heavy lifting, save for Rourke's loopy, probably improvised riff on an E.

B. White-inspired tattoo for Stratham. So in "The Expendables", Stallone is Barney(oh, we get it; Stallone is old, a dinosaur) Ross, who returns to the fictional South American country, run by an evil dictator, the puppet of a rogue CIA agent, out of guilt for leaving Sandra(Gisele Hie), a woman the moviegoer presumes he loves, behind to face the music for being a traitor.

But Sandra, a Mexican, turns out to be just a woman, and not a potential love interest. As they go their separate ways, Barney tells her, "You take care," perhaps, out of paternal concern. But that's not it.

Something doesn't sit right to these ears when Lee(Stratham) says, "I never thought she was your type," as if it was a nostalgic trip through 1952, and not 1982(the year "First Blood" was released).

In Fred Zimmerman's "High Noon", Kane(Gary Cooper) ends up with Amy(Grace Kelly) by default, because being with Helen(Katy Jurado), the Mexican saloon owner, is never an option for the cowboy.

Sandra might as well be a guy, like the thirsty Hispanic drug dealer in Joel and Ethan Coen's "No Country For Old Men", when Barney, just like Llewelyn Moss(Josh Brolin), mercenaries both, become mercenaries with consciences, as both men return to dangerous scenes.

While Sandra is no Eva Mendes, she's not chopped liver either, so it's very conspicuous that "The Expendables" skirts formula when man and woman don't ride off in the sunset together. This is no country for old men with old social mores.