Review of The Dead Next Door (1989) by Martin W — 04 Nov 2006

Saw this at Best Buy and after reading the back of the case, figured it might be a decent movie. I also figured Beta would win out over VHS and that, later, DVDs would never catch on because everyone (else) had their VHS collections.

It's not that this is a bad movie - there are some very cool plot elements that, had they been explored further (or, explored at all for that matter) would have made for quite an interesting zombie flick. No, it's not a bad movie. It's a fucking mess of a movie.

Okay, it was filmed on Super 8, I get it. The transfer isn't gonna be great, I understand that. But how do you explain the piss-poor acting, the failed attempts at stylistic camera shots and ass-tastic writing? There are plot holes large enough to let a zombie horde shamble right through - like the lack of explanation how a late teen/early 20 something girl forgets who her father is and believes that a cult leader is her pops.

In the span of three years.

There is a lot of gore, and some of it is well done, so if the amount of blood and entrails you see spilled is a measuring stick for what makes a good movie, this might be a fun film for you. For the rest of us, here's a quick list of things to watch for. Pretend this is like a drinking game. In fact, drinking might make the suffering of sitting through the full 78 minutes less painful. Perhaps having blurry vision will lessen the burning effect the images will have on your brain. Anyway, keep a keen eye for the following;.

The Car That Can't Easily Turn Left.

The Pocket Knife That Can Cut Steel.

The Cage You Thought Was Steel But Is Actually Wood.

Disappearing Zombies.

Zombies With A.D.D.

A Lovely Day For A Picnic.

Mr. Frodo Zombie.

The Guy With Either Really Bad Eye-Sight Or A Helluva Pitching Arm.

The Magic Shotgun.

Brown-Nosed Homages.

Flash-Bags.

The Master Dude.

Some of that may seem a little ambiguous without the movie, but you will know them when you see them. And them you will never forget them as they will be burned into your soul forever.

Not the worst movie I have ever seen, but damn close. 1 out of 5.