Review of The Dark Tower (2017) by Nola B — 04 Sep 2017
This movie was terrible. Just terrible. I've waited 25 years to see this movie finally get made, and it was terrible. On every level. I can't recall watching a movie where I cared less about the characters.
Nothing ties it together; a complete mess. I'd say script seems like a 7th grader speed-skimmed the Cliff's Notes version of the series right before drafting a book report, but that'd be an unfair insult to 7th-graders everywhere.
As bad as I feel for people like me who waited so long to see this happen, I feel worse for those who accidentally wandered into this train wreck without any frame of reference. And I'm not just being an overly-picky fanboy.
If you want to collapse this entire, epic, sprawling series into a 90-minute movie, fine. But at least put together a story that makes sense. This script tried to put together way too many difficult plot points without any real vehicle to bridge them.
Even the exposition was half-baked. Awful. Just awful. I'm considering cashing in my 401k and living like a monk for the next few years in order to devote my life to re-writing a worthy treatment of this garbage so that I don't die with this movie being unredeemed.
Kudos to Elba for doing his best with what he was given. McConaughey's part was unsalvageable. I'm so mad. So, so mad.
This review of The Dark Tower (2017) was written by Nola B on 04 Sep 2017.
The Dark Tower has generally received mixed reviews.
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