Review of The Canyons (2013) by Nicholasbert — 25 Jun 2014

Oh man! The worst film I've seen in years! And the worst acting I've ever seen in my life, including the tapes of my mother's wedding. Beaker's puppet without the puppeteer delivers more than "James Deen" and Lindsay Lohan combined. When I started watching this, and there was that scene in the beginning, I was laughing my teeth out. But enough with jokes.

I know it's low budget. It's supposed to be looking the way it is. But that's not where the problems are. When I read that it was Bret Easton Ellis who wrote the script, I thought "Oh, he's a good writer, it's going to be a good film." Then I realised B.E.E. has written the same story for almost thirty years now, in a dozen of different books. So no. The story is bad, the dialogue is not good, the acting is awful, the music is annoying, the visuals are amateur: all the ingredients sum up to a meager 1 out of 10.

Girls might want to watch this because they rarely get to see full frontal male in cinemas.