Review of The Canyons (2013) by Simon G — 09 Aug 2013

You would expect a screenplay written by author Bret Easton Ellis (American Psycho, The Rules of Attraction) to make quite a movie. You'd be mistaken. I read a review recently which declared "Lindsay Lohan was actually good." The truth is everyone else is just as bad, or worse, so that you don't notice just how bad she is. James Deen probably gives the best performance as Lohan's controlling psychotic boyfriend which is ironic considering a perusal of Deen's acting credits on imdb reveal such titles as MILFs Seeking Boys III, No Swallowing Allowed 4, and Anal Expedition 9. Presumably this is why he was so comfortable displaying his junk.

Director Paul Schrader doesn't seem to be getting anything from his actors. Lohan seems confused most of the time. In some scenes she literally looks like she's forgotten her lines and just improvises on the spot while shaking her head and closing her eyes. The rest of the cast could just as easily be starring in an episode of The Hills on crack. I did keep thinking of The Informers which was also an adaptation of an Easton Ellis novel although this was probably due more to the Beverly Hills setting than any real resemblance to that movie, which puts this to shame.

There isn't really much more I can say about The Canyons. People go for dinner. People drive around. People have sex. People call each other on the phone. People try and screw each other over; your typical Hollywood Z-listers story or more aptly, an overlong R-Rated episode of The Hills. Except the drama in The Hills is actually more convincing.

The real lesson here seems to be that Easton Ellis should stick to writing amusingly satirical novels and allowing others to adapt them for the big screen.