Review of The Canyons (2013) by Andy G — 16 Jan 2014

"The Canyons looks like a soft-core porn movie that got released into theaters by mistake".

DVD Movie Review: The Canyons.

Date Viewed: November 30 2013.

Directed By Paul Schrader (American Gigolo and Affliction).

Written By Bret Easton Ellis.

Starring: Lindsay Lohan, James Deen, Nolan Funk, Tenille Houston, Amanda Brooks and Gus Van Sant.

What happened to the Lindsay Lohan we once new? Her career was so promising. She became a famous teen star after the success of "Freaky Friday" and "Mean Girls". After appearing in independent releases like "A Prairie Home Companion" and "Bobby", she later became famous for being a tabloid train wreck. 2013 has been especially hard for Lohan. First she appeared in a cameo role in the R-Rated sketch comedy "InAPPropriate Comedy" (which I didn't see), she became the latest goddess to sleep with Charlie Sheen in "Scary Movie 5" and now she appears in "The Canyons", a depressing erotic thriller that is neither sexy or thrilling.

Lohan plays Tara, a wannabe actress who gave up her life to be an actress years ago, so she decided to live with her wealthy boyfriend, a young movie producer named Christian (porn star James Deen). Christian suspects Tara of having an affair with her ex-boyfriend Ryan (Nolan Funk), a struggling actor who lives from paycheck-to-paycheck. When Tara can't stay in Ryan's lifestyle, she decides to stay with Christian, they have sex with multiple partners and play twisty games with each other.

As you can see the plot description I told you about, "The Canyons" is a stupid, artless mess. Everybody in this movie is either sexually obsessive, depressed or unlikeable.

"The Canyons" also looks like a soft-core porn film that might've got a theatrical release by mistake. What's surprising is that "Good Will Hunting" director Gus Van Sant has a small supporting role in the film as a shrink named Dr. Campbell. What's even more surprising about "The Canyons" is that it was written by Bret Easton Ellis (American Psycho) and directed by Paul Schrader (American Gigolo and Affliction). Schrader was once one of the greatest screenwriters ever, he wrote "Taxi Driver", "Raging Bull", "The Last Temptation of Christ" and "Bringing Out The Dead" for director Martin Scorsese. Schrader was even a good director he directed "American Gigolo" starring Richard Gere and "Affliction" starring Nick Nolte and James Coburn.

The late great actor George C. Scott once said to Schrader: "You're a great screenwriter but the world's worst goddamned director." I wouldn't have said that to Schrader, he's still a screenwriting master. Sure, Schrader makes dark, moody movies about isolated, depressing people, "The Canyons" is also dark, moody movie with depressing characters but it has no style and no substance. Bret Easton Ellis is also masterful writer, He writes stories about hateful individuals working in a upper class society but his screenplay for "The Canyons" has no tone at all. The plot and the dialogue are way too ridiculous.

Let's talk about the casting of porn star James Deen. Who thought casting this guy was a good idea? Did anybody think that this guy had talent? Why does he look like a weird mix of Anthony Weiner and Paul Ryan? Porn stars should not act at all. Yes, I'm willing to admit this, Paul Ryan might have been the better choice to play the abusive L.A. movie producer.

The New York Times article about the making of "The Canyons" might have been the better movie to make for Paul Schrader and Bret Easton Ellis but what we have here is an inept soap opera. Lindsay Lohan if you want your career to be back on track, don't ask Charlie Sheen or your crazy parents to help you, just get actual help.