Review of Ten Inch Hero (2007) by Dixie O — 13 Nov 2009

This one is sweet. I loved it entirely.

Its all about love and destiny. I adore Jensen Ackles in this one. His crazy hair and printed t-shirts are the best.

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Tish: [Priestly calls Tish] Beach City Grill. Subs by the inch.

Priestly: Code blue. Hostile territory. Aborting mission.

Tish: Who is this?

Priestly: It's your Renaissance Man. I'm at the store, there's too many enemy tampons. I'm bailing.

Tish: Alright, stay focused. Describe the situation.

Priestly: Initial recon appears to be bag or box?

Tish: Box.

Priestly: Box. Roger that.

Tish: Alright, look around chest height. Do you see anything marked regular?

Priestly: Okay, regular. Uh, here's one but it says slender regular. How can something be both slender and regular? Isn't that mutually exclusive?

Tish: Priestly...

Priestly: Unless, of course they're implying in the mysterious underworld of Femboxes that slender is regular.

Tish: Priestly. Are you done?

Priestly: Well, what about the Super Pluses?

Tish: No.

Priestly: Why not? They sound like better.

Tish: Don't. They're huge.

Priestly: I thought you liked huge.

Tish: This is one area where bigger is not better.

Priestly: Yeah, well shouldn't you buy all the protection you can get?

[looks at the side of the box].

Priestly: I mean, it says here it can handle any amount of- Oh my god!

[throw the box in disgust].

Tish: Priestly, listen. If a woman needs an emergency dipstick in the ladies room of a sandwich stop.

Priestly: That's nasty.

Tish: She just wants something that's going to hold her over until she can get home and use one of her own. Based on her own style preferences and flow requirement.

Priestly: Tish!

Tish: Yeah?

Priestly: That word... flow. Thats nasty. It's gross.

Tish: Just buy the slender regulars.

Priestly: Over and out. Heading back to base camp.

Tish: Roger that. Over and out.

[hangs up the phone].

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Tish: I did things with Tad I've never done before.

Priestly: Oh really, like what? Wait for the second date?

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Piper: Can I make you a sandwich? The roast turkey is really good!

Zo: On no thanks, I don't eat anything that had a mother.

Piper: Oh. Ok. Egg salad, then?

Zo: Well, eggs are really a chicken abortion, aren't they? I mean, I support a woman's right to choose, but I don't believe anyone asked the chickens beforehand.

Priestly: Right on!

Jen: Well, actually, since farmers don't keep roosters, the eggs aren't fertilized, so techically you're just eating a byproduct of the hen's menstrual cycle.

Priestly: Well, that- that's certainly appetizing, a hen-period-salad, that's lovely.

Zo: [smiling] I think I'll just stick to the six inch tofurkey.

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Priestly: [to Piper] Who are you?

Piper: Piper.

Priestly: Piper. What are you doing here, Piper?

Piper: I work here.

Priestly: Why wasn't I notified? I wasn't notified!

Trucker: Hey Priestly. We hired someone.

Priestly: Thank you. I swear, we need like a bulletin board or a staff meeting.

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Enjoy =).