Review of Teeth (2008) by Bianca O — 30 Sep 2012

Description: Vagina-dentata retelling as a black comedy.

The Good: Cinematography and production value were immediately noticeable for their quality. The computer animation during the opening credits were interesting and relevant, which is refreshing; I detest seeing credits at the beginning of a film but this sort of thing makes it a tad more bearable.

Acting performances and characters were believable and enjoyable. Jess Weixler and John Hensley were especially noticeable for the honesty and sincerity they brought to their respective roles of Dawn and Brad. Hale Appleman did an excellent job with the few minutes of screen time he was given as Tobey by creating an emotional and interesting character that could have otherwise simply faded into the overall yawn of the film. These three actors did a tremendous job with what they had to work with and certainly saved the movie for this reviewer.

The soundtrack was mediocre though fitting in that it didnâ(TM)t particularly add to the film but didnâ(TM)t detract from it either. The song choices of Dawnâ(TM)s parents added some humor.

The campyness was masterfully done, being maintained just below the point where it is almost annoying, leaving the viewer with a sense of pity for the lead characters as opposed to simply finding them annoying. The character of the asshole brother Brad made for a nice opposable force that made them film more lively.

The masturbation/wedding night fantasy scene was very well done in terms of filmmaking finesse and was indicative of the high quality camera and lighting work to be found throughout.

The Bad: The pacing of the story lingered for too long at times on non-plot-driving items. The Nuclear-Reactors-Looming-on-the-Horizon bit was overplayed and eventually distracting; some subtlety would have made it a more intense detail, but itâ(TM)s a comedy, so why not I guess. Speaking of comedy, there seemed to be a surprising lack of it. Unless you find boring funny. In all fairness, the gynecology scene did bring an audible laugh. The only audible laugh.

The Ugly: the editing in Teeth was professional by any account, but as mentioned before the scenes had a tendency to begin and/or end without the fat being trimmed which gave the film an overall lethargic feel. Since the movie has a run time of 88 minutes, it might be assumed that this was done to pad the length a little. It definitely would have made a superior short film, but as a feature length, it leaves a great deal to be desired - like the entire Heroâ(TM)s Journey concept.

In terms of genre, Teeth seems to be unaware of itâ(TM)s target, falling instead into some vague netherworld between drama, horror, and black comedy without ever actually committing to any of them. Because of this, the film ends up feeling like a two hour shrug.

Old School: Almost no gore and very little excitement. If youâ(TM)re not drinking, youâ(TM)ll most likely be bored.

New Blood: Younger audiences will be put off by how slow this movie feels. Still, the extremism of the Christian chastity theme will probably get some laughs. If youâ(TM)re under the legal drinking age youâ(TM)ll most likely be bored.

To See or Not to See? Rent, buy, pirate or con? Donâ(TM)t waste the hard-drive space for sure, and unless you can check it out for free at your local library I would not advise renting it. If you really feel like you have to see this film then con your roommate into renting it. Afterwards, you can blame the choice of getting it on someone who isn't there to defend themselves. Pass.