Review of Sydney White (2007) by Buddy A — 02 Nov 2009

BOTTOM LINE: "Snow White," except more vapid and stupid.

"Sydney White" is one lackadaisacal piece of trash. How in the hell do you screw up "Snow White?" I don't know, but Chad Gomez Creasey and Joe Nussbaum do. They take this approach: Snow is now Sydney, the evil stepmother is now the evil president of a sorority, the magic mirror is not a website, and heigh-ho is not hos in high heels. Sound dumb? That's because it is. Let's delve into the rest of this idiocy.

The annoying Amanda Bynes is Sydney, a young woman who works on her father's construction crew (since that's what all daughters do). Pretty soon, she'll be off to college to try to fill her dead mother's shoes and become the newest sister of a sorority called Kappa Phi Nu. What she doesn't realize is that the evil stepmother of this tale, Rachel Witchburn (how clever), played horrendously by Sara Paxton, will do anything to have her way. When Sydney is booted from the sorority, she is taken in by seven 'dorks' (how clever) and decides to take a stand against Kappa Phi Nu and hopefully capture the heart of her prince, Tyler Prince (how clever), played by Matt Long, along the way. That's it. That's the movie.

Now, "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" is certainly predictable if it's your first time watching it (100% so if it's your second), as is "Sydney White," but instead of that feeling of enchantment I had with "Snow," I feel that, with "Sydney," I'm taking a bite out of a poisoned apple.

The movie is plagued with flaws. There are dumbass explanations for each of the 'dorks'. "Sneezy" is now a guy with allergy problems, "Grumpy" writes mean blogs, etc. I rolled my eyes each time these explanations occured. I have yet to see a sorority sister as vile as Rachel Witchburn and I probably will not in my lifetime. If I meet her, I'll bump my score up another half a star. The movie only gets worse when it actually starts believing in what it's trying to sell, which I ain't buying. Any college theatre student could do a better job playing Sydney than Bynes does. She overacts every step of the way. The best performance comes from Long, who would be quite good backed by a decent script. Alas, this is not that script. I was ready to throw my TV out the window by the time the movie was over. Once upon a time, Buddy Acker saw "Sydney White." He said, "Heck nah." He lived happily ever after.

Critics who agree:

Claudia Puig, USA Today: "Each twist and turn is so telegraphed and expected that the story feels wan and the comedy feeble.".

Score: 2 stars (out of four).

Why I agree: I guessed perfectly where every scene was going every time.

Ty Burr, Boston Globe: "Sydney White makes "Mean Girls" look like Shakespeare.".

Score: 38 (out of 100).

Why I agree: I don't really have a reason to agree other than to say that I laughed like hell at that description.