Review of Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) by Meg S — 25 Jul 2008

'Joe Danby: [about his father] He's got a heart as big as the whole outdoors, but he don't have one brain in his poor old head.'.

'Jake: You want me to tell Joe Danby that he's under arrest for murder? What're you gonna do after he kills me?

Jason McCullough: Then I'll arrest him for both murders.'.

'Pa Danby: If that gun had gone off, it'd of blowed right up in my face.

Jason McCullough: Now it wouldn't have done my finger a hell of a lot of good either, would it? What can I do for you, Mr. Danby?'.

'Mayor Ollie Perkins: I guess you know what you're doing, Sheriff.

Jason McCullough: I don't know what I could have said to give you that idea, Mayor.'.

'Joe Danby: You expect me to sit here in this lousy cell on that...

[notices the red paint drippings on the floor].

Joe Danby: What is that red stuff all over the floor there?

Jason McCullough: Oh, uh...

[waves his boot over the paint].

Jason McCullough: ...that's the poor fella that crossed the line earlier today.'.

'Jason McCullough: Well, it seems Joe murdered a man this afternoon.

Pa Danby: The way I hear'd it, he killed a man in a fair gunfight.

Jason McCullough: I was standing right there.

Pa Danby: You was standin' right where?

Jason McCullough: In the saloon when Joe killed him.

Pa Danby: Well, now that was real smart of him, weren't it?

Jason McCullough: I've been around Joe all afternoon and I haven't seen him do one smart thing yet.'.

'Henry Jackson: We are gathered here today to consign the mortal remains of Millard Frymore... or whatever his name really was. I ain't really got a whole lot to say about Millard because he only rode amongst us two days ago, and was promptly struck down by whatever deadly disease it was struck him down. We can only hope that whatever deadly disease it was, it wasn't particularly contagious. And with that in mind, I suggest we all bow our heads in devout prayer.'.

'Jason McCullough: [Fingering dented badge] That must have saved the life of whoever was wearin' it.

Mayor Olly Perkins: Well, it sure would have, if it hadn't been for all them other bullets flyin' in from everywhere.'.

'Joe Danby: I hear you're gonna try and arrest me. You know you don't look near as tough as some of them other sheriffs we've had lately. Particularly that old boy that done run off about an hour and a half after he took the job.

Jason McCullough: Joe, you just make me feel tired all over when you talk like that.

Joe Danby: Now, what do you mean by that?

Jason McCullough: It's bad enough to have to kill a man without having to listen to a whole lot of stupid talk from him first.'.

'Joe Danby: What's your name?

Jason McCullough: Jason McCullough. What's yours?

Joe Danby: Joe Danby. And you had better remember it.

Jason McCullough: Oh, I'll remember it, Joe. That's about all I'm gonna do the rest of my life is go around rememberin' your name.'.

'Jason McCullough: Well, gentlemen, I think it's only fair to tell you that I'd only be interested in this job on a temporary basis.

Henry Jackson: Oh?

Jason McCullough: Well, you see, actually I was on my way to Australia when I heard about your gold strike and I decided to, uh, travel through here and see if I couldn't pick myself up a little stake.

Thomas Devery: What do you want to go to Australia for?

Jason McCullough: Well, it's the last of the frontier country. Thought I might like to do a little pioneering.

Fred Johnson: I thought this was frontier country and we was pioneers.

Henry Jackson: So did I.'.

'Jason McCullough: Jake, how would you like the job as my deputy?

Jake: I'd hate it! Even if I lived through it, I'd hate it!'.

'Jason McCullough: Is this the kind of town you people want for yourselves? Is this the kind of life you want to lead? I mean, three killings in one saloon alone! The sun hasn't even gone down yet. Any more of this foolishness, and I'm gonna close this place up tight.'.