Review of Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) by Will T — 10 Feb 2018

What have they done to Star Wars?

The Last Jedi takes the Star Wars franchise we know and love, and repeatedly rapes it in the backside with a hot iron rod, and then, when that's all over, it pisses on the mangled corpse with Democrat Party anti-white male propaganda. I feel violated for having watched this abortion.

+Finn was on life support a week before this movie takes place, and now he's in perfect health. Huh?

+Leia doesn't swell up and explode in the vacuum of space, but rather floats back to the ship like Mary Poppins. This same Leia who couldn't save Luke or Alderaan in the original trilogy can now save herself... while being unconscious.

+How does one drop bombs on a space ship, in space, where there is no gravity?

+Hyperspace ramming? Really? Where was this convenient cop out when three death stars needed to be destroyed?

+The strong and focused Jedi, Luke Skywalker, of Return of the Jedi is replaced by a cowardly hermit who would rather see the galaxy go to hell than lift one of his freakin' fake prosthetic fingers to help. He has become the sissy beta cuck male liberals want all men to become. Luke claims to have given up on being a Jedi and wants the Jedi order to disappear, and yet he's on an island protecting... Jedi texts? Why the hell would he give a map to locate him to R2D2 if he wants to be left alone? Does this make sense? No it doesn't.

+Why would Luke refuse to kill his father, Darth Vader, who butchered countless people, but be so quick to attempt the murder of his nephew for merely having 'dark thoughts'?

+Apparently force ghosts are now gods who can command nature at a whim and cause Jedi texts to burn, but no... surely they won't use their newly found god-like powers to save the galaxy from the First Order!

+The heroes are *almost* entirely women, a lesbian, an asian, and a black man, while the antagonists are all white males. Trying to say something there Kathleen Kennedy and Rian Johnson...?

+Meanwhile, all of the male Star Wars heroes of yore are being offed one by one. Hans, Luke, Admiral Ackbar... gone gone gone. I guess the leftists behind this movie really are trying to promote the "future is female" garbage that you see on t-shirts at women's marches and Hillary rallies. Is this to make up for the original trilogy having so few women? You're just gonna kill off all the men now? Is that what "feminism" is about?

+On the casino planet, Canto Bight ,the heroes seemed more concerned with abused animals than abused human orphaned slaves. Typical PETA garbage with messed up priorities. The whole thing with Finn getting tazed by the cops reeks of Black Lives Matter agitprop (Finn only had a bag of Skittles and a bottle of Coca-Cola, what are you cops doing to him!!!). The liberals wont stop until they destroy every single great movie franchise with their back-asswards agenda. Even the damn movie art for this film is shaped like a woman's genitalia complete with period blood!

+Finn and Rose go to look for a code breaker, get thrown in jail over a parking ticket, and wouldn't ya know it... in the jail with them is a codebreaker of *equal skill* who just happens to be able to let them out of their cell! Amazing movie magic.

+Kylo Ren spends most of the movie without his helmet. He was such an intimidating figure when it was wearing it in TFA, but Disney would rather have a weak goth/emo villain who looks like Edward Scissorhands.

+Snoke, the most powerful being in the galaxy who can read minds and link minds together, apparently can't read the mind of Kylo Ren as he slices him in half with a lightsaber. What a waste of an interesting character, and with no explanation of his backstory. What happened to the rule of two for Sith? Was Snoke even a Sith? What the hell was he then??? Well, he's dead now, so that's going to remain unanswered. The excuse given by other reviewers that the original Star Wars trilogy didn't explain the back stories doesn't hold water. The original trilogy was the MIDDLE of a 9-part story. We're on episode 8 of 9 here; there shouldn't be huge gaps at this late juncture with no explanation. If Disney wanted to go in a different direction with a new Star Wars story, fine, but don't call it Episode 8! This is the Skywalker saga.

+Rey had ZERO Jedi training, and apparently she's more powerful than Luke, Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Yoda combined. Come the F on, princess powers Disney! And how many training sessions did she have with Luke? Three, maybe encompassing an hour of total Jedi learning? And now she's ready to save the galaxy with that little experience???? Luke Skywalker had his freaking hand sliced off in battle with Vader for daring to rush his training! But never fear, our cute little Disney princess has the magical girl power force and all will be well in the galaxy.

+Are we as movie-watchers supposed to care about this whole "Resistance" movement anymore? My goodness, there's maybe like 12 of them still alive in the entire galaxy, and they want to force their political philosophies and way of life upon the billions and billions of other beings who have either rejected the Rebellion outright or chosen not to support it. The galaxy has made it clear by now that it doesn't want the damn Republic anymore, because the Republic continues to fail time and time again. Get the hint already!! The parallels to the Hillary Clinton campaign and its idiot snowflake followers who won't accept that they lost is astounding.

+Knights of Ren? Where are they in this film? What happened to them?

+Why didn't Admiral Lesbian Purple-Hair tell Poe of her plans? Just to watch him risk his life and the lives of everyone else in the rebellion? FFS, Poe was acting out of a legitimate concern, and the feminazis behind this movie slap him down and make him look like a fool for daring to question purple hair.

+Why did Rose stop Finn from sacrificing himself to save the Rebellion? That was incredibly dumb to put everyone's life at risk. If Disney princess Rey wasn't able to lift rocks, the entire rebellion would've been obliterated thanks to Rose's stupidity.

+The heroes are seen yapping it up, smiling, and laughing at the end of the film. Is this a normal reaction when most of your resistance movement is now DECEASED and the rest of you are still on the run facing imminent death? I'm starting to think we should root for the First Order in this stupid sequel trilogy!

+Some slave kid with a broom seen at the end of the film is already more powerful than Rey who is more powerful than Luke. Yea, that's how it works.

+How dare you kill off Admiral Ackbar. Shame!

+Now Episode IX is going to be someone who didn't complete their training in the dark side, Kylo Ren, fighting someone who has next to zero training in the light side of the force, Rey. How are they going to make this movie interesting? Are Rey and Ren going to be siblings yet again like Luke and Leia? Their names are so similar, maybe. Disney is that dumb to make it so obvious. My guess: It's going to end with Rey turning Kylo Ren to the light side as they fight some unknown dark side villain together who appears out of nowhere just for this movie, then she'll share a big interracial smooch with Finn and spend the remainder of her life dominating Finn to make the lesbian feminist viewers of the movie have wet panties and fulfill their anti-male agenda. The end.

Anyone who likes this movie deserves to be sent to the pit of misery, while anyone who publicly attacks this pile of leftist agenda garbage will forever be a true friend of the crown (dilly dilly!). Beware of the fake 5-star reviews on this site. Any review with five stars that is maybe 2-3 sentences long, spells Star Wars as "Star War's", sounds like it's ripped from a professional movie review written by a Washington Post critic, and/or includes the full names of cast members talking about how they "gave a wonderful performance" is a sham review posted by Disney and pathetic Internet trolls from liberal message boards who were sent here to prop up the score for this movie. Seriously... go look at these 5-star reviews. They're all nearly identical to each other and show no demonstrable knowledge of the movie's plot. Meanwhile, the REAL reviews are 1/2 to 1 stars and contain lengthy diatribes with ***actual references to the contents of the movie***. We negative reviewers watched the film, and we care that Star Wars has been raped by the feminists. We're not fake, we're not bots, we're not "Russians," we're not posting reviews because of some group on Facebook that we've never heard of until the media came up with an excuse for why people are reviewing this so poorly... we just hate this pile of crap!

Rian Johnson and Kathleen Kennedy are worse than Adolf Hitler. Much worse. Sure, Hitler gassed millions of people, but these two vile pieces of human garbage DESTROYED STAR WARS! That's an act of unspeakable evil far worse than any atrocity ever seen on this earth. Please, for the love of the Force, George Lucas, remove this awful film from Star Wars canon and redo the sequel trilogy yourself! You have openly stated that you wrote a different script for the sequel trilogy that Disney ultimately rejected. You sold out Star Wars fans, but there's still time for you to turn from the dark side and make things right. To quote Princess Leia to Obi-Wan, "you're our only hope!" USE THE FORCE, YOUNG GEORGE LUCAS!