Review of Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) by Andrew D — 29 Jan 2018

This movie is horrifyingly awful. Below is a synopsis of the movie. I am including spoilers so that anyone who doesn't want to line Disney's pockets anymore can skip the movie and catch it later on Netflix.

There's a painfully slow sub-light space chase where we must believe that an Imperial fleet that can exceed the speed of light can't think of a way to catch a single ever-so-slightly-faster rebel cruiser; In space where there's no gravity, bombs fall out of ships as though they were WW2 bombers; Leia gets ejected into space and comes back to life and travels, Mary Poppins-like to knock on the door to be let back in; Kylo Ren hates his helmet now; The Empire needs a huge, complicated device to track ships across the galaxy but Leia and Rey can use a wristwatch to do the same thing; there's an entire sub-plot to locate a mysterious code-breaker which was completely pointless; Jedi can now make their visage appear anywhere in the universe and scare people; Wookies live forever; Rey's parents were worthless drunks; Jedi masters can come back to life any time they want; Adam Driver has nipples; Poe Dameron is personally responsible, in 2 separate incidents, for the deaths of thousands of his fellow rebels but is still a hero; Benicio Del Toro's stuttering character is unsympathetic because he immediately sells out the entire resistance; Rose sets the casino horses free but leaves the casino human children imprisoned; Snoke dies but we get no explanation for who he was or how he got here; The guy who could freeze laser blasts in mid-air while simultaneously putting force chokes on people in Episode 7 gets put in a physical chokehold by a red-suit dude and has to be rescued; Laura Dern drives her spaceship at light speed through a bad guy ship and kills thousands of bad guys but the 3 good guys are all uninjured; Rey can now force lift gigantic boulders even though she has had only one 5-minute Jedi lesson; Luke dies (or does he?); the end.