Review of Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) by Eric B — 03 Jan 2018

The amount of potent disgust I feel towards this film and its creators is beyond words. I'm not going to waste (too much) time rehashing what 62,984,825 true fans have already iterated across Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, etc. but I do want to mention that I personally found this film to be an overt assault on:

01 - STAR WARS fans.

02 - Men.

03 - Family.

04 - Tradition.

05 - Religion.

06 - The aged.

07 - Capitalism.

08 - My eyes/ears.

09 - My intelligence.

10 - George Lucas/Ben Burtt/Mark Hamill/JJ Abrams, etc.

Not only is this post-postmodern pile of garbage offensive in its caustic/nihilistic sensibilities, it is also devoid of the high-quality STAR WARS craftsmanship we've come to know and love. THE LAST JEDI is a poorly put-together film. Strictly speaking, on the technical side of things, it's shitty. Perhaps we all could have tolerated the aforementioned hyper-political misandrous hate-fest, if the film had exhibited just a lick of cinematic prowess - but alas!

I'm genuinely struggling to write one good thing about THE LAST JEDI...

Oh, John Williams!

John Williams' score was solid, and it stands on it's own, thank God. That's why I gave this film one star, instead of a half-star. Williams is the man, too bad he got pimped out to this drivel.

I found the sound design to be coarse and jarring - where the heck is Ben Burtt? Are you aware that even he doesn't know why he was axed? No Ben Burtt = Red flag #47.

The story was nothing, the dialog and humor atrocious, no character development. Rian Johnson destroyed all of Abrams' hard-earned potential and mystery, in one overlong bloated hyper-messy mash. Shameful. Really! I found the "special effects" totally ho-hum. Been there, done that. The explosions were all cut-and-paste pixelation nightmares. This was way worse than Michael Bay's latest Transformers film, and I couldn't stand that one - at least Bay's special effects are special. Plot holes, ridiculous physics, canonic inconsistencies (to the absurd) -- this film's got it all.

STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI. Gross + hollow; everything about it. Hated it.

STAR WARS is supposed to be FUN.

Thank you Rian Johnson (and whomever else pulled this shit-covered lever) for infusing politics into "our beloved STAR WARS." In this polarized political climate we find ourselves in today, you could (and should) have taken the high road, and been the ONE thing that brought everyone together. "Everyone loves STAR WARS!" That used to be a thing people would say, it was bi-partisan/universal. Not anymore. You ruined it, and multiplied this present darkness exponentially. Very divisive move, Disney. You sold out to your shitty politics, and alienated AT LEAST half of the STAR WARS fan-base.

I didn't make this political. You did. So I'll go there, just real quick...

The caustic ideologies present in THE LAST JEDI are likely the same ideologies which were major contributing factors to Trump's 2016 victory. This ram-it-down-your-throat, take-no-prisoners, no compromise, no apologies approach (from the left) is only going to continue to empower the growing backlash against the ideologies of the left (socialism, rabid/hateful feminism, moral relativism; just to name a few of the bigger/uglier ones). I believe there is a strong correlation between Trump supporters and THE LAST JEDI haters. Not a perfect correlation, by any means, but I think there's a trend there, for sure.

This continued "double down on your failures" approach, from the left, will probably lead to a second term for Trump. Yes, THE LAST JEDI may very well help Trump win a second term. That's how bad THE LAST JEDI is.

LOL. Just kidding. (I'm trying to be partisan here!).

My heart goes out to all the others like me who were actually devastated by this release. I was pleased to see I wasn't alone. I'd never been let down like this before (film-wise). Thank God it's only a movie (and not canon, in my world). Timothy Zahn forever.

May the (pre-Disney) Force be with you.

- Aaron (not-a-bot).

P.S. This would be a pretty awesome bot entry. Let me know if you know of any bots who could pull this off - I'd love an introduction. LOL. Peace.