Review of Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) by Dave H — 10 May 2014

Oh my God. More like "The Motionless Picture".

This is by far the weakest of the original cast Trek films - perhaps of ALL the Trek films.

This is what happens when you put Roddenberry in charge of Star Trek.

THIS is what happens when you gives the directorial reins of a Star Trek film to a dude most renowned for directing "The Sound of Music"(!!!) a decade and a half earlier.

The Motionless Picture is WAY too ponderous and somber and self-reverent, completely lacking the sense of cheeky character fun and thrilling pace from the best of the old series that the recent reboots have nailed so well. ALL the Trek films have had their issues, but even Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (a complete mess but at least it has some fun and some suspense) was better than this.

No way this would work with today's ADHD audiences in general, but for Trek and Philosophy 101 fans it raises some interesting questions of the type that the more exciting, fun (and at times moving) films in the series didn't waste time on, and the TV series delivered a lot more efficiently.

In many ways, this film plays like two things:

(1) A box-ticking documentary on the Star Trek universe, particularly the Enterprise, Starfleet, and Roddenbery's Utopian Philosophy-for-Dummies - stuff for the nerdiest Trekkies to get their jollies from.

(2) A SFX-reel from some proud technician submitted to a studio to show them what he is capable of.

Both aspects of the film are interminable, but the latter one is the worst. It's like someone watched the final act of "2001: A Space Odyssey" and said, "hey, let's see if we can put together an even LONGER version of space-based special effects with only a tangential connection to the story, but look really cool anyway, especially if you're stoned." And Paramount said, "Sure!!!".

But this film came out in 1979. "2001" was over a decade prior AND Star Wars came come out in between them, underscoring the importance of an actual exciting STORY over lavish effects when it came to space adventures.

People still came to Star Trek: The Motionless Picture back in '79 anyway, because, hey, it was Star Trek. But thank god Paramount learned their lesson and actually recovered their dignity by jumping from inarguably the dullest Trek movie in '79 to arguably the most exciting in '82.

I'm blasting the hell out of this movie, but it's not a total whitewash.

The film is well worth watching for any bits of Shatner and his hairy upper arms, particularly the scenes where he is interacting with Nimoy or Collins, instead of reacting to some special effect on a viewscreen.

And the film is definitely worth watching for the miraculous special effect of Khambatta's outfit never actually riding up higher than her neutral zone.

But the special effects in general...someone was just far TOO in love with them. And someone was just far TOO in love with Star Trek itself.

Both of these things are emphasized in arguably the most interminable part of the film - Scotty shuttles Kirk to the refitted Enterprise. This scene, of Kirk and Scotty - and by extension US - gazing in wonder at the Enterprise lasts TEN MINUTES.

Sure, it's the Enterprise. But nothing warrants that. Not even the deepest Trekkie love, or the best SFX in Hollywood.