Review of Star Trek Beyond (2016) by Alan G — 03 Jan 2017

Let's venture into uncharted space because the stranger told us to.

Let's sound the alarm to abandon ship after people have been sucked into space, aliens are aboard killing people, the ship is being ripped apart.

Let's rig up a cargo transporter and start using it on our crew right away. They might get put back together inside out but fk it. We're Star fleet!

Let's ride a motorcycle into the enemy base with a bunch of hollowgrams that can simulate everything.

Music ends up becoming the enemy's Achilles heel!! Brilliant!

We just spent a whole bunch of time in an alien concentration camp, lost most of our crew to space, laser rifles, and getting their life forces drained from their bodies. But we'll celebrate our Captain's birthday with cocktails, and can't wait to get back out there.

There was nothing real about this movie. Cool looking visuals and cheap theatrical glamour are all it really has going for itself.