Review of Star Trek (2009) by Agentjohnson — 16 Jan 2011

This is the "Twilight: Bitter Moon Redux-Sparkles Edition" of the Star Trek movie universe. Lots of sexy kids running around and not making much sense along with plot holes you could pilot two death stars through side-by-side.

These included a dreadful sword fighting scene, a dreadful ice-planet chase scene by a CGI-generated monster that was mostly membrane and protoplasm- hardly suited for cold weather, but ideal for THIS movie, and a lackluster Spock from the old series who was far more concerned with how much fun it was to be Kirk's friend than 6 billion Vulcans dying.

This movie had a tongue-in-cheek (I think) reference to Galaxy Quest and its infamous, sake-inspired Chompers- obstacles that don't make sense that our heroes must navigate and which contribute to a silliness that sharp movie-goers should sense. Our example here is clear, fluid-filled tubes that lead to a shredding mechanism (better to endanger intrepid characters) equipped with a trap door and a lever for saving hapless humans that managed to get trapped inside-in the nick of Time!!!

This movie is a joke. The fact that critics universally failed to notice is depressing. At least there are a few trekkies out there that took a hard look and came up with the right answer.