Review of St. Elmo's Fire (1985) by Jonathan B — 23 Nov 2010

Due to the overwhelmingly positive response to my reviews of Avatar and Iron Man 2, I've decided to become a full time movie critic. And my first official review is of the classic St Elmo's Fire - since it was on today and I watched it.

So I guess my first question is, are we supposed to hate these people? Cuz if we are, then this movie was awesome! I didn't know who I hated the most! And it's tough, cuz on the one hand, you've got the in your face yuppy malice of Judd Nelson.

But he's just a bit too on the nose with his whole Judd Nelson thing. Rob Lowe certainly sucks - and he has an awesome saxophone solo, at the end of which he rallies the crowd by yelling, "Let's rock!" But for me, the most despicable character has got to be Kirby, played by Emilio Estaban.

He does some REALLY crappy things. Like, he gets a job working for some rich guy, then immediately trashes the dude's house. But not in a funny way. And then he's not sorry in the least! I mean, if I was this rich guy, I think I'd have one of my goons beat the shit outta this kid, just on general principle.

Secondly, his name is Kirby. And no disrespect to guys named Kirby, but if that's your name, you're probably an a-hole just like this buttwipe. And finally - and this where I almost threw up - but he totally force kisses Andie McDowell at the end! Then acts like he completely crushed it! I hate this guy! He's like that guy who purports to be this "hopeless romantic," but then you find out later he's a registered sex offender.

But again, if the idea was to hate these people, then this movie was glorious. So I guess the capsule comment is, if you feel like hating something, then you'll definitely love this movie. So enjoy! And save the aisle seats for me!!!