Review of Spider-Man 3 (2007) by Shimorinkumo H — 24 Sep 2013

'A strange black entity from another world bonds with Peter Parker and causes inner turmoil as he contends with new villains, temptations, and revenge.' That sounds pretty awesome right? Wrong! This film will only leave you with deep emotional scars and the urge to punch Kirsten Dunst in the face every time you see her on screen.

I've been doing a fair few positive reviews lately I feel it's time for a very negative one, what better than one (Trust me, there are many more) of the most disappointing films since The Phantom Menace? Spider-Man 3...

The first two films in Sam Raimi's Spider-Man were very good, as a matter of fact I believe Spider-Man 2 is the second best Superhero film ever made (behind The Dark Knight), it had a spectacular villain, part of the 'Spider-Man No More' story from Amazing Spider-Man #50, incredible fight scenes, some wonderful music and most importantly a true struggle, we want to see our heroes overcome the obstacles and beat the villain in wonderful fashion. Plus Doctor Octopus got some redemption at the end.

So, when it was revealed that the third film was to have Venom and Sandman (Oh my god, 2 villains?) Oh, and Harry Osborn found his dad's Green Goblin stuff at the end? Wow, this film was geared up to be the best in the trilogy, so I was expecting good things. Little did I know the horror that awaited me in that dark room full of fellow innocent civilians, what had we done to deserve this film?

I shall begin my review of this abysmal film with the pros, which are; special effects and a few of the fight scenes, these are generally interesting and grab your attention, they almost distract you from how bad the film is... Almost. For example; the Sandman origin scene looks fantastic! Also, J. Jonah Jameson has some funny moments, as usual.

However, the cons come thick and fast... (I suppose you know how bad a film is when the only pros are special effects and a man with less than 10 minutes screen-time?) For example, there are many plot strands flying around; the Gwen-Mary Jane-Peter love triangle, the Eddie Brock vs Peter rivalry, Harry's convenient amnesia and suddenly remembering Peter killed his dad later on, Sandman's daughter, Peter wanting revenge, Peter being negatively influenced by the Symbiote, etc... The problem isn't that there are too many, it's that they're are too many tedious and dull things going on, it's just uninteresting. I mean, who really cares about Mary-Jane and Peter's relationship? The answer is nobody, you find yourself kind of wanting Peter to be with the equally dull and boring Gwen Stacy.

I won't go into (what people have called) 'Emo-Peter', how silly Venom looked or the poor casting of Eddie Brock/Venom... They're all so terrible that I feel physically sick thinking about them.

At the end of the day, if you saw this in the cinema you wasted your money, if you own the film you've wasted your money, if you actually like the film I would keep it to yourself.

My Rating: 1/5.