Review of Space Mutiny (1988) by Kerry F — 15 Apr 2010

You know the feeling you would get if you were to sand blast your eyeballs?

"Contains best chase scene at 2.5mph!".

That's how I can best sum this film up, it's just plain wrong. Wrong that it was thought up, wrong that it was made, wrong that it was released, and wrong that it's on video. But there is one good thing I'll say about it, MST3K riffed it, and they riffed it good. I think there was something flashing by my eyes on the screen that was supposed to simulate a plot, but I'm not quite sure. The nearest I can figure is that a guy named Kalgon (no, not the stuff you put in your washer) is leading a bunch of losers in a mutiny for some reason or another. You know bad guys in films like this, their reason for doing something is never clear. Did I mention that this is all taking place on a giant space ship where many people from Earth live, and it looks like it's made of cement and looks like a basement/brewery. Your guess is as good as mine as to why. So the ship's captain, played by Santa Claus a.k.a. Cameron Mitchell, decides to get the best of the best in action heroes. But he wasn't available so he had to settle for Reb Brown. Brown, Who I'll call Beef McSlab or Bronson Thickneck, is a Rambo wannabe, and when he's not chasing Kalgon in a golf cart that goes 2 miles per hour and spouting swear words for no good reason, he's screaming like a little girly man, also for no good reason. It also turns out that McSlab has fallen in love with Santa's daughter who acts like she's 25 but looks close to 50! and lloks like Sherry Lewis, so he's obviously an idiot. There's also a sub-plot about dancing aliens, but they have nothing to do with anything so we won't worry about them. After that I totally lost track of what was going on. There were some shoot outs, some guys falling over rails repeatedly, a woman who comes back to life after getting shot, and Chunky Brewster's repeated screaming and swearing. Also one woman is shot and killed and the next scene she's back at work!

That's pretty much what this film is about, so if you haven't seen it and the MST version isn't going to be on for awhile, just forget about it. There are certain levels that bad movies fall on, of which this falls deep in the trenches of it. It joins the likes of "Pod People", "Manos, Hands of Fate", "Cave Dwellers", among others. These films populate the deepest, darkest, trenches of bad movies, which only the strong hearted can survive watching. I hope that you have taken this review as a warning, make sure you're prepared before putting this in the DVD player.