Review of Southland Tales (2007) by Charles A — 29 Apr 2009

What? The? Fuck?

I think somewhere along the lines someone gave me acid or I went retarded. I'm not exactly sure what or when this happen but this movie like....lacks a real coherent story. It can't decide if it's a parody, comedy, or documentary. This thing has mad star power, I mean I haven't seen this kind of action since Mars Attack. Booger playing a theoretical physicist while Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a porn star just shows...wait Sarah as a porn star...I can dig it.

I don't know really what the point of this movie is. You got like WW3 started by a nuke attack to Texas. You got militant lesbian ex porn stars trying to take down the government with the handle "deep throat 2" and then you got Christopher Lambert as an arms dealer which he is too funny. His voice just makes him that much more interesting. It's 144 minutes long and I'm not sure how I got to watching it. You got The Rock and Justin Timberlake being soldiers while The Rock gets amnesia in order to be used as a pawn in someones scheme to break up the election. Sean William Scott plays like a twin of himself who like is not all there. You have to have time on your hands and just really want something odd. I think this is what happens when Hollywood goes on strike and the only people that are working are too busy doing acid writing scripts and having friends that can sneak you into a movie. I honestly don't know what to rate this thing as it confuses me as to the point. It tries to be serious talking about terrorist attacks and the government cracking down which is similar to the things we are use to. Once again Hollywood thinks it has a clue and loves to spout off. However watching this I think it proves just how clueless they really are even if this is a joke. It doesn't hurt that you have most of the cast from Mad TV in this thing with a few people that did SNL.

A final note Justin Timberlake lip syncing to "The Killers" makes no sense to me and I think it's kind of a diss to "The Killers" as I would listen to them any time and Justin...well I'd listen to his man pieces put into a juicer.