Review of Solomon Kane (2009) by Erno K — 01 Nov 2010
Right, let's chalk up one more entry into the half-assed comic book movie scrapheap. Seriously, why do they keep churning this shit out? (No, why do you keep watching them, you fucking idiot) Shut up, common sense, die!
Solomon Kane has one of the weirdest beginnings I have seen in a while. One reason for my bafflement might have been that I have never read any of the graphic novels (Just call them comics, asshole!) [wait, didn't I just kill you?], but I understood exactly nothing about the nonsensical prologue. I was just about to stop watching the whole thing betwixt insane laughing when they fast forwarded to one year later and this turdling started to resemble a coherent movie. Well, sort of.
I like the dark tone of the film, though. This is really quite a bleak feature. They even have the guts to slit a child's throat at some point, which is always awesome, but they don't have the guts to show it on screen. Understandable, and I have to take what I can get. Even that was more than almost any movie dares to do.
I would gladly watch James Purefoy in a better flick, as he seems to be an adequate lead actor. Too bad the entire thing feels very rushed, and I now understand why it didn't get a theatrical release. It really does suck big time. They needed to work on the movie for at least a few weeks more.
The director clearly LOVES rain, as every goddamn scene seems to be set in watery conditions. He also thinks that walking in front of a slow motion flame is still cool, and therefore I lost all my respect for him. Why the fuck do they still do this so often?! It went out of style in the 80s. There are parodies about these sorts of things. Nngh. (That is the sound that one makes when trying to contain explosive rage).
Some of the sword fights are "aight", but that is the only positive thing I can think of. Solomon Kane continues to wait for a worthy movie. And make no mistake, they will reboot this franchise in a couple of years, and then someone else can give it the old college try.
This review of Solomon Kane (2009) was written by Erno K on 01 Nov 2010.
Solomon Kane has generally received mixed reviews.
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