Review of Snowpiercer (2013) by Vercoda — 06 Jul 2014

Without doubt, one of the worst films of 2014, as well as of recent years, Snowpiercer was a massive disappointment. Collectively, I'm a fan of several of the actors and behind-the-scenes talent involved with this film, as well as its kind of dystopian setting, so although I knew little about the film I had high hopesfor it - sadly, they were soon dashed. Where to begin?

There were just too many things wrong with it - for a train that's perpetually rocketing around the world, half the film featured zero sense of inertia or speed (even Star Trek's hams could wobble in their seats sometimes), as utterly stationary cast and equipment appeared stage-bound - apart from a few token sequences. We had a rocketing train that conveniently slowed wayyyy down at key expositional points (the Plane Below, the Frozen Exiles), as well as utterly bizarre casting decisions that were never explained (Jamie Bell's bizarre and somewhat patronising "Shoite!" 'Oirish' accent - why?!), while Hurt and Evans regularly over-emoted as though they going for an Academy award. (Just wait til the seemingly endless speech about what Evans used to eat...).

Then, once the story started rolling along into the front, better-off section of the train, it absolutely rocketed into utter silliness. Yes, we get that they're all decadent, parasitic snobs living it up at the front - but did we need slo-mo Eurodisco shots to underline this? (Send in the gimps!) Derivative and dull to sit through, ticking one clichéd box after another, this was the point where I started considering what I could be doing instead of staying on board to the ending.

The film's one - and only - saving grace is Tilda Swinton, who stole every scene with her perfidious Mason character. Half Gollum, half Northern English trade unionist, and half vintage Deirdre Barlow (Irish/British TV audiences will get that reference), her cowardly, sniping, mocking and treacherous ways were an absolute hoot to watch, with her hateful character proving unexpectedly entertaining in each and every scene she was in, while John Hurt was also a reliably engaging presence on screen.

Unfortunately, one brilliant character and an okay-ish set-up do not an entertaining film make, and the initially interesting dystopian set-up soon derails into a cheap - and dare one say, almost grubby-feeling - Eurofilmesque tale, populated with flashes of jarring, stylised uber-violence, an inconsistent narrative, lazy editing, generally cheap-looking CGI/effects and a crashing bore of an ending.

As such, it's 3 points for Tildy's turn, but a big, fat Zero for anything else...