Review of Snow White and the Huntsman (2012) by Pbandj B — 25 May 2013

My, my, what have we here? CGI blood in the first minute of the movie? By the looks of it, that must have been super duper spectacular in 3D. Well, I do not watch 3D. So what did it look like to me? Fake, of course.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is fairest of them all? Well, it's not the lead 'actress' that is billed for this film. It starts off with Raffey Cassidy as a pretty little Snow White, but as she's all grown up and ready to take on the evil queen, it's Kristen Stewart on the screen. Now if there's one thing I know about miss Stewart, it's that she constantly looks bored. In this movie she adds one other facial expression: the same one Mr. Bean uses when he gets annoyed by some little kid.

I guess we all know now why Stewart was cast in this role. Mr. director, Rupert Sanders of Black Hole "fame", had ulterior motives. That's the only reason I can think of to justify Stewart being 'fairer' than Charlize Theron in any universe, be it fiction or not. Those ulterior motives have been widely publicized and cost this man dearly, so I won't go into them further here. I do want to point out, though, that despite the utter mediocrity of this film, Theron's puts in her best efforts.

What I do want to get into is that despite the well-known pre-existing storyline (that suffers a few detours here and there), a big $$$ budget for CGI and sets, and some decent supporting cast, the movie never really surpasses the level of a long, drawn out chase sequence. Throw in a few plot holes (yes, we are really made to believe that grown-up Snow White can fight like a warrior without any training) and some pseudo-humour and the end result is a silly excuse for a 'movie' that made even hundreds of millions of dollars at the box office. The saddest thing about this all is that real gems of movies get shelved for a cash grab like this.

Verdict: Avoid.

P.s. I kid you not. As I typed the title of this movie to go to the page where I can post this review, I put "snow shite" in the search box. Thank you, Freud!