Review of Snakes on a Train (2006) by Patrick E — 11 May 2010

For all of you non B-Movie lovers out there, The Asylum is a production company that uses the names of Hollywood blockbusters to flog off their absolutely terrible rip offs by making stupid people think they are actually buying the Hollywood film. Snakes on a Train is their rip off of Snakes on a Plane and they yet again succeed in ripping people off by creating an incredibly stupid film which somehow managed to sell well. SoaT really has to be seen to be believed; the ending is without doubt the worst ending in the history of film but still manages to be absolutely hilarious.

The plot is downright bonkers. A Mexican woman has been cursed by her family for running off with a man they didnâ??t approve of. This curse involves a number of snakes materialising inside her body that eventually escape through her mouth taking some of â??herâ?? with them. Her boyfriendâ??s uncle, who lives in LA, can stop this from happening by putting the snakes back inside her and making her whole again so they board a train from El Paso bound for LA. Unfortunately for the numerous unsuspecting people on the train, the womanâ??s snakes break free from their containing jar and begin to wreak havoc on board the train. This all leads up to a truly astonishing ending involving a ridiculous looking giant snake, a magic necklace and a mysterious tornado that only likes to suck up snakes.

Lets be honest, anyone who picks up a film called Snakes on a Train has a good idea of what to expect. Despite the crazy plot the first hour of the film is actually passable. There is no terrible CGI; some good death scenes involving practical gore effects and an interesting enough build up. Yes the acting is terrible and the camera work nauseating but there are some remotely scary scenes and one death scene involving a young girl is particularly harrowing. Itâ??s the last half hour when the film really letâ??s loose its inner stupidity as terrible CGI snakes are introduced along with utterly ridiculous plot developments. The final 2 minutes are so inconceivable they can only be described as a masterpiece of originality as no other writer could have come up with something so stupid. It really does have to be seen to be believed.

Snakes on a Train is largely an awful film but if you go into it knowing that and willing to have a laugh at what your seeing then it can be quite. Sadly the director decided to make it all a little too serious but there some truly hilarious moments and itâ??s worth watching for the ending alone. B-Movie fans MIGHT enjoy this, sane people will absolutely hate it.