Review of Small Soldiers (1998) by Allen G — 06 Sep 2013

This one doesn't feel like a family-movie, it feels like a movie just for kids but it's not all fun and games, in fact, it's actually got quite an edge to it and personally I think that's what makes a cool film stick out from the crowd-pleasers.

I was very much a kid when I first saw this film and I simply loved it- 'Toy Story' was obviously my life at the time (like with all kids, duh) and this had a similar feel but without any of the wholesomeness- this was the badass 'Toy Story' where Buzz was Tommy Lee Jones and Woody was Frank Langella, sure I only knew who one of them was as a kid, but hey- I liked the voices. 'Butch Meathook' was way cooler than 'Mr Potato Head' right!?

Anyway, Roger Ebert gave this film a thumbs down because he felt that it was too scary for kids but that's exactly what I liked about it as a kid- it was crazy seeing Barbie Dolls being brainwashed into trying to kill their owner. I loved watching a toy try and set people on fire or shoot at them with nails while making a reference to, um, Nine Inch Nails. (okay, not imaginative but I LIKE IT).

It has what a kid looks for in a film while also having a genuine sense of danger. (even if it was just coming from figurines) It was hard to find something cruel to watch as a kid and I REALLY WANTED SOMETHING CRUEL. This gave me my fix and for that, I am forever grateful.

The voice-acting is great and for the time, the film's special effects were awesome and there's a nice mix of real and fake visuals that still look appealing today.

It's not all good though- the story is every bit as bland as you'd expect from the genre and really isn't something an adult would be particularly interested in. there are however some references that kids would likely miss but this isn't enough to keep the whole family happy so it can't really outdo 'Toy Story'.

The film is never really funny, to anyone, and that certainly takes away from the experience- it's funniest when it tries to take itself seriously but it's all a flop when it actively tries to make you laugh. There's also so much of the awesomely weird and crazy toy-violence that it doesn't feel like there's enough else going on at times. The sheer ridiculousness of the whole thing also gets a bit old quite fast as the story tries to make some kind of sense.

So it's not the perfect kid's film but it has its own place and that is a pretty mean feat. in the genre considering how safe much of it is. it's also pretty special in this case too because this looks on the surface to be a 'Toy Story' clone yet it completely has it's own feel. There were some deformed toys in 'Toy Story' though so I guess it could have went down this root too if it wanted... *imagines Randy Newman song about arsonist Barbie Dolls*.