Review of Sleepwalkers (2007) by Andrey B — 20 Sep 2016

I'd call this the all-time worst adaptation of a Stephen King story, except unlike "Maximum Overdrive," King skipped publishing the story and committed it straight to film instead, with Mick Garris at the helm and a talented cast of actors to work with (including two exceptionally talented and gorgeous actresses, Alice Krige and Madchen Amick). But somehow the end product would make you believe that nobody involved in the film had a shred of talent, or that Stephen King was as bad an author as his detractors say he is.

The story is about a unique breed of vampire known as the Sleepwalker. Two of them, a Mother and son, move to a new town, like they often do, after they feed off the lifeforce of a virgin. They share a supremely creepy incestual relationship (the movie has been called "sexy," but the only sex stuff going on is between Mom and Junior. If that gets you off...please stay the hell away from me.) Anyway, son, resembling the all-American boy, sets his site on a girl at his high school, but this little kitten is harder to catch than the others. (Cats! The only weakness of the sleepwalker!).

Being a fan of King's work, I recognize his style underneath the surface: supernatural evils, innocence lost, something strange happening in suburbia, and the struggle of mankind to comprehend the inconceivable. The film tries to keep true to his spirit by adding humor to the horror, but it never works even once. The humor is so eye-rolling awful it kills what little tension there is. The film constantly wobbles back and forth between the two and succeeds less than 1/10th of the time. In the end, it's not so-bad-it's-good (like "Maximum Overdrive") it's so bad it's annoying. It turned a profit at the box office, but promptly, like a sleepwalker, vanished without a trace. It's better off staying lost.