Review of Shark Night 3D (2011) by Writefilmlive21 — 09 Dec 2012

"Shark Night", in short, is a vapid, cheap, moronic slop of a movie. The villains are amazingly stupid and mean-spirited, with motivations that wouldn't make sense to a rock. The story is crap. The characters are beyond forgettable. And the sharks, in a movie that is supposed to be focusing on them, feel less like the center of this thoughtless fart and more like minimalist gimmicks slipped in at the last minute.

However, I cannot leave my opinion of this movie at that, because the villains' scheme in this turd is absolutely mind-boggling. By introducing sharks into a local lake, and filming them feast upon innocent teenagers they kidnap and throw to them, they intend on producing a reality show ala "Shark Week" (which is not my comparison, that's what they use in the movie) and becoming filthy rich off it. And not one single aspect of this half-assed plan makes remotely any sense. Why the hell would you try and pull something like this off in a LAKE? These are not freshwater sharks they're using - these are hammerheads and great whites, which live only in the ocean. If they were discovered, it would be obvious someone put them there. Boom, plan's dead. And what makes them think a show like this would even air? Their intent is to market this as actual reality, not faked. They really believe any major television network is going to throw their asses off a cliff and produce a garbage show like that? Do they have any idea how rejected that would be by the majority of people? And of all the people you could imagine to concoct such an infantile idea, we get a greedy sheriff, a dumb horny redneck who seems to get off from feeding girls to sharks, and an overcompensating pansy bastard of a teenage guy who's pissed off at some girl for scratching his face when she was trying not to drown . . . . because that was TOTALLY part of some evil plan to rob him of his honor or respect or whatever the hell he's griping about. I don't know, I don't care - let's just see 'em go in the water and get ripped to bloody shreds by those cheap-ass shark effects already. It won't be a violent enough death to satisfy me after all this brainlessness, but at least they'll be gone. The heroes aren't that intelligent either - the main girl gets put in a shark cage to be fed, but there's this huge friggin' gap all around it she can EASILY swim through, or at least grab the guy's gun and blow his head off.

Trust me - do NOT waste your time with this movie. It insults your intelligence in every way and is perhaps the least creative and least thought-out plot I have ever seen in a movie in my life. Complete trash.