Review of Shark Night 3D (2011) by Kevin S — 23 Dec 2013

âShark Night 3Dâ? is everything that a horror movie shouldnâ(TM)t be. Itâ(TM)s PG-13, itâ(TM)s loaded from beginning to end with grating pop/R&B songs, its 3D looks like shit, and the characters are so cookie cutter boring that you wonâ(TM)t care who lives or who dies.

I would say that you want them all to be shark bait but once youâ(TM)ve seen one awful shark attack in this film, youâ(TM)ll feel like youâ(TM)ve seen them all. Add to this a ridiculous third act twist that makes little sense (seriously, watch the movie and tell me how it is even POSSIBLE for the redneck hillbillies to do what they did) and some of the most implausible events Iâ(TM)ve ever seen in a movie and youâ(TM)ve got one of the worst movies of the year.

Though, truth be told, it is comforting to know that if someone loses an arm in a giant lake, you can easily find it in dirty water by swimming out from your lake without a mask or goggles. After this, while locating said lost arm, you can also spot a bloodthirsty shark.

When you see said shark, you can out swim it even though it can overtake a speeding boat with someone skiing behind a speeding boat. Did that just make your brain hurt? Ugh. Join the club. Last yearâ(TM)s âPiranha 3Dâ? was dumb, harmless fun.

This movie doesnâ(TM)t deserve a theater run, hell it doesnâ(TM)t even deserve to be played on Syfy.