Review of Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002) by Gabe D — 23 Jan 2008
"I'm exhausted.".
"Yeah, me too. But you know I'm really wired. What do you say I... take you home and eat your pussy?".
Ever wanted to see a movie where the actors can't even be bothered to care? where they think the movie is such a joke that they are clearly laughing and smiling during "dramatic" action scenes? look no further! oh my god this movie is a 60000 on the bad movie scale. wow. must be seen to be believed. this is the APEX (get it?!! no probably not you haven't seen this) of the terrible shark movie genre. the worst dialogue, directing, score, special effects...you name it. there was absolutely no care put into this film whatsoever. every shark attack is with stock footage, and sometimes the type of shark changes from shot to shot! and then the giant mega...lodon is just footage of a great white coming out of the water blown up to look bigger than whatever it's eating...used over and over again...seriously...the same exact shot...and then at the very end for no apparent reason they decide to start CGI-ing the shark...like for the entire film they use stock footage and then just decide all the sudden... and there's more gratuitous nudity than you can wag a penis at! including the worst sex scene ever, with the two leads in the shower fucking, surrounded by LIT CANDLES....waterproof candles? the lead actor for this film, john barrowman, is like tom cruise with even worse brain damage than he already has...he smiles and yells through every scene, and when something horrible happens he just goes "oh man, shit!" over and over again. the filmmaking is completely piss poor, so bad in fact that some scenes are completely unintelligible...also, try to guess when this film was made! if you said the 80's, you'd think you would be right, but you're wrong! it was 2002! because apparently in 2002, we all wore acid-washed jeans and listened to sweet power ballads....if it weren't for the random usage of the worst movie portrayal of the internet ever, I would have no clue. this movie is CLASSICly awful.
"But you're the ASSMAN, remember? And you'd do....ANYTHING FOR THAT ASS!".
"Fuckin A right man!".
"HAHAHA CMOOOOOON!".
Wow. the one star rating means QUALITY. "Megalo-WHO?! HAHAHAHHAHA!".
This review of Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002) was written by Gabe D on 23 Jan 2008.
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon has generally received mixed reviews.
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