Review of Shadows & Lies (2010) by Jhuan D — 18 Jun 2011

Jellyfish are little more than organized water, and this film is little more than organized pixels. I've been seeing a lot of boring films lately, but I don't want you guys to think I'm just an ADD kid with no taste-- I really liked Lost in Translation, that's a good example of a boring movie that's very engaging, I do in fact have the attention span for that sort of thing honest. But this? Okay, I'll give an example of the kind of shit that passes for dialogue in this movie, and mind you, this takes place after the characters have spent a long while sitting on their butts watching the world's most boring nature documentary, interspersed with long silences while they stare at each other blankly. When they do talk, everyone in this movie constantly whispers as if they're tiptoeing around at 2am trying not to wake up gramma. The volume is so magnified you can almost hear the paint crackling as you watch it dry.

"So, um.... what is it that you do?".

"Oh... things.".

"......How's that? ".

"It's what I do. So it's that. ".

"Sounds okay. .....Is it?".

"Why wouldn't it be?".

"I dunno.".

Who comes up with this? Who greenlights it? Who gets it into their head for more than five whole seconds that any of this is excusable in a movie? On top of it all, the soundtrack is like somebody keeps sitting verrrrry slowly on a damp accordion. Awful. The whole thing is just... awful.