Review of Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016) by Niro S — 22 Jan 2017

Five movies into the accursed Resident Evil movie franchise and what do we have to show for in the "final chapter". 13 predictable heart-attack inducing jump scares, over 9000 sloppy frame editing in the action scenes, heck, even the simplest act of bending down and standing up takes about 10 cuts, no, I am not joking. A plethora of action movie clichés combined with horror movie clichés, by-the-book dialogues and one-liners from the crevice of hell, about ten cookie-cutter characters, who mainly exist to be sacrifices for the "fun-ways-to-die" body count. Let's not forget to mention, the movie only comes in two ridiculously lively colour tones, tepid dull chocolate with a sprinkle of soulless and midnight darkness with spots of camera lighting, and as you guessed horrible editing comes as a free gift, no charge.

Unfortunately, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter, is the final chapter in the life of Alice our main protagonist of the Resident Evil franchise, meaning there is still a story to be told somewhere by some hackneyed director begging for a big movie deal down the alley, former home of Paul W.S Anderson. The movie starts literally out of nowhere with a big action sequence that had no purpose being there except to show "Hey, guys, look how cool my wife, Milla Jovovich is, lolol" and at some point you realize, the ending of the previous movie is vaguely mentioned and just shoved off as though it never really happened, it was mostly our grand delusion of thinking this franchise is capable of the simple act of continuity.

The saving grace of this movie is the fact that, it's actually a comedy without knowing its one, ignorance is Alice's best friend. The plot is actually not all that bad shockingly, if you piece the exposition-style story line, there is a living sign of potentially an interesting movie about a zombie outbreak and how the higher-ups orchestrated a planned doomsday device with strong emphasis on biological human experiments and the usage of clones as plot-twist device but unfortunately Resident Evil is not capable of putting two and two together thus draining out all signs of intelligence from the script. This movie only exists because someone needs to close the lid on this franchise, there is barely an resemblance of proper budget in fact, based on all the editing choices, it feels like Paul W.S Anderson was given a piggy bank as financial source to direct this movie, gone are those flashy and stylish sequences this franchise had before.

"Trinity of bitches", the one and only punch-line that will forever be remembered from this macabre of a movie. "Looks like you let her slip out of your fingers", gets a special mention for being an unexpectedly funny pun from Albert Wesker. These are the only lines in the movie that livens up the movie at crucial points. Repetition is key in this movie, Albert Wesker asking the Red Queen to seal the The Hive in more than ten creative ways, because saying it once is too mainstream. Alice looking down at her watch and going I don't have much time in about six amazing ways and of course Alice's monotone facial expressions that are limited to, I believe, only two, legends says she's capable of three though that would require a repeated watch of this cancerous product.

With all the numbers mentioned in the sea of words before, only one number rings true as the movie reaches the climax. The number "one", not in your heart but over the scale of five. 2017 kicks of the video game to movie adaptation in a gruesome and unforgiving fashion, just to remind you if you even had a sliver of hope for the future of this genre, forget it now and move forward in your life.