Review of Resident Evil: Retribution (2012) by Julian T — 05 Apr 2013

The 'Resident Evil' franchise is nothing if not consistent. Consistent as in each movie is consistently worse than you ever imagined it could be. I was past the phase of just shaking my head and disappointment three movies ago. My rage against Paul W.S 'Destroyer of Childhoods' Anderson has now reached a level of pure malice.

I am a huge fan of the Resident Evil game franchise. They are some of the best games out there period as far as I'm concerned, with RE4 being perhaps the best game of all time (no joke). The fact that such an intricate, well crafted and respected gaming franchise could turn into a unimaginably mindnumbing abortion of a film franchise is honestly beyond me. I can't think of any other adaptation in the history of film adaptations to have f*cked it up so badly (With a possible tie going to SURPRISE! Another Anderson helmed film, AvP).

There is so much wrong, I really can't write a proper review here. I could write a novel. Lets just start with the continued shoving down our throats of the made up Resident Evil character Alice. Alice does not appear in any RE game for which the films are supposedly based. Not for even a second. But Anderson had to shoehorn his hot but minimally talented wife into his films, and trying so very very very hard to make her into an icon. Well its not happening Paulie. She might be a better actress than you are a film maker, but that is saying exactly shit. The disrespect (or maybe its just ignorant stupidity) that Anderson shows towards the source material and fans is staggering.

A few other random complaints: (1) Leon Kennedy, hero and main protagonist of RE4 in the film for 20 minutes, played by a greasy Frenchman, working for WESKER???? What the living hell man... (2) Las Plagas?? Yeah sure lets just throw them in there with no explanation. (3) Not only is Wesker brought back after a very definitive death in the last awful installation, but now he's the GOOD guy??? (4) Bastardizations of the characters Jill Valentine and Ada Wong... (5) The entire plot of the movie in which Alice and Ada are caught fighting clone-powered reenactments of the initial Tvirus outbreak in different cities across the globe, in a giant base under the ice in the Antarctic. How in the mothereffing hell do you get a studio to sign off that that concept??

I honestly could go on forever. There are so many things catastrophically wrong that I should really stop before I give myself a stroke. Of course in this depraved world we live in, the next installation to this soulless godless talentless brainless franchise has already been green-lit. In this age of remakes and reboots, I pray to the gods of cinema: reboot this franchise... And PLEASE... For the love of God, STOP. PLEASE JUST STOP.