Review of Resident Evil: Retribution (2012) by Namir G — 29 Aug 2016

- Milla brings her sexy Ukranian stylings to the 5th installment of the franchise.

- Um. According to the recap, I think I missed one. :(.

- Mental note: pennies in shotguns work better than lead shot. At least when she uses them against aircraft.

- Holy crap, Milla's a mom. All kinds of hot. Still wicked capable as she saves her kid from the flesh-eating horde.

- Yes! Michelle Rodriguez. Shit's getting real now.

- Now Milla's naked with just a sheet. A very small sheet. And also in an Umbrella Corp cell. I'm very confused.

- Due to a computer malfunction, she's now dressed in leather & metal. Seems like we've started like a traditional video game.

- Including that wicked awful laser grid that dices humans.

- Using a chain w/padlock as a kusarigama, kicking an ejected magazine into a zombie's head. This is how an Alice do.

- New player: Ada. Always has one very svelte leg showing in her exquisite red dress.

- It's hammer guy and his awful twin brother! How can so many bullets to the head have so little effect?

- So...Leather & Metal clad Alice is looking at the dead Milla-as-a-mom. Surreal.

- Spoken to the gun-toting Michelle Rodriguez casually lounging in the swingset: "There's a child here!" Drolly, Michelle replies "Your problem. Not mine.".

- Ewww. Also, Alice just saved her extraction team's bacon. With a blinged out Rolls Royce Phantom sporting spinners.

- Oh damn. Ugly's back. The entire subway system falling on top of him just kinda stunned him a bit.

- If there's anything I've learned from video games, it's to never stand near a barrel of anything in a firefight. Morons.

- That's...that's a warehouse of people. Or "test subjects.".

- Oh damn. Ugly's back. The entire clip of bullets fired into his exposed brain just kinda stunned him a bit.

- That is a lot of zombies. Like, masses of legionous hordes.