Review of Red Riding Hood (2011) by Kris W — 01 Feb 2012

I have no intention of watching the sexualized version of Little Red Riding Hoodbut curiosity got the better of me because of its weak box-office performance in the US charts but a strong one here in the Philippines. It opened here at the top with a take of 16 million pesos in just a couple of days. Comparing it to a timid 5th place opening in North America, the Twilight-ized take on a classic tale seems to be connecting to the Filipino audience. But is it? The over-all appeal escapes me. I can think of several reasons such as the revisionist idea of the heroine falling in love with her destine foe; or the pop culture zeitgeist of human-monster relationship; or the Catherine Hardwicke factor, i.e., âfrom the director of Twilight comes the classic tale ofâ¦â? Nevertheless, there is so much going on in the movie but still ended up a half-baked production. Last night turned into some sort of a date night for most couples. Listening to the quick reviews of the male species is a source of delight. Consider this conversation:

GIRL: âOK naman ang movie.â?

BOY: (Laughs.).

GIRL: âDi ba? Maliban na lang nang magsalita iyong wolf.â?

BOY: (Laughs harder.).

GIRL: âAng sama mo!â?

Hoping that their relationship lasts longer despite their obvious differences in movie tastes.

Despite a bankable and strong female lead star â" the beguiling Amanda Seyfried - and a host of exceptional thespians including Gary Oldman, Julie Christie, Virginia Madsen, Billy Burke and Lukas Haas, critics have given the movie their coldest shoulders. The biggest problem is the narrative for it is a compendium of colossal loopholes, ham acting and formulaic ideas.

The village of Dagerhorn has a long-standing agreement with a werewolf during full moon. The monster will be receive its required sacrifice and in return, will spare the lives of the villagers. Valerie, our girl in the red riding hood who is in love with his childhood friend, Peter (Shiloh Fernandez). But her parents (Billy Burke and Virginia Madsen) arranged her marriage to the blacksmith and shopkeeper, Henry (Max Irons) despite her protestation. One afternoon, the people were horrified as the beast took the life of Valerieâ(TM)s sister, Lucie. In an instant, the villagers organized a hunt to get rid of their constant predator once and for all. Father Auguste (Haas) tried his best to temper the mood and even contacted a renowned monster hunter, Father Solomon. The mission proved to be a bittersweet triumph as a large wolf was killed but not before Henryâ(TM)s father died in the process. As the village celebrates, Father Solomon arrived and doused their jubilation as he explained that the wolf is not the same as the village werewolf. He proved his claim when the monster attacked one more time. Curiously, the monster talked to Valerie and begged her to come with him. No doubt, in its human form, the werewolf is someone close to her. Is it her lover who once asked her to leave Dagerhorn forever? Is it her one-time fiancà (C)e still reeling from her rejection? Is it her grandmother who bears the same eye color as that of the cruel predator? The hunt is on.

One cannot blame Hardwicke for milking the popular girl meets monster angle. Let us get this straight: despite his penchant for hair products, Edward Cullen is still a vampire, in essence a monster. Just like butterflies, beautiful but are still insects. In place of a romantic vampire is a werewolf. There is a catch here but am not one to provide spoilers. If this movie becomes hit (so far it isnâ(TM)t doing great elsewhere), the question is what comes next: humans and romantic trolls? Humans and romantic mummies?Humans and romantic redcaps? A cleverer twist is a revisionist take on Red Riding Hood. Her taste for quickies in the barn is a sure sign that this is not the same childhood stuff we had before. This is not a trailblazing idea since other forms of media has capitalized on the fragmented fairy tale genre. The graphic novel Fables for one featured a Red Riding Hood as an amnesia-stricken spy of the evil puppet master Gepetto. (Oh. I almost forgot. The lead character in novels is the reformed Big Bad Wolf!) Mind-bending, isnâ(TM)t it? Thing is, our bed-time tale heroines should not be transformed into lovestruck romantic leads all the time. (Kristen Stewart will soon star as Snow White in a film-adaptation.) There are several manners in which one can come up with different takes on our beloved childhood stories. Case in point: the Fables graphic novels that have bended all possible means to come up with such a delightful read. Spell it out: C-R-E-A-T-I-V-I-T-Y.

One of the biggest reasons I once got excited with this movie is the inclusion of Gary Oldman (for the older set: he is a great actor and for the kids: he is Sirius Black) the and Julie Christie (for the older set: she is an Oscar-winning 1960s icon and for the fashionista kids: she is walked the red carpet in this). These British thespians are the good news and bad news of the film. Christie, still gorgeous, delivered a fine performance as the werewolf suspect and suspicious grandmother of Riding Hood. Looking innocent and sinister at the same time, she ended up as one of the smattering bright spots. This one grandmother no big bad wolf cannot resist! Then there is Mr. Oldman hamming it up. For the first time, I groaned whenever he is in a scene delivering his stump speeches in a thick unrecognizable accent. Bad enough that his character is so over-the-top, some sort of a celeb-religious leader/monster hunter, complete with muscular black guards and a crossbow-wielding assassin. Move over Van Helsing because Father Solomon and his steel carriage is coming. Groan.

As much as I dislike spoilers, the colossal loophole that I mentioned requires a bit of divulging information. The legend of the werewolf in this movie is that the monster gets fiercer in the next generation. If the werewolf has an offspring, it needs to bite him during the Red Moon (the moon is full and red) and his child will transform into one. That means, there is a succession of the curse. That means, either the father or the mother of a werewolf has an idea of its secret because one of them is also the werewolf. That means, I still am stumped that this little fact is foreign to one of the major characters. Had this loophole been covered, then the movie might â" just might - have been a bit better. But that is asking too much because I almost spilled Banana Peanut smoothie after hearing Amanda deliver this nail in this cinematic coffin: âGrandmother, what big eyes you haveâ¦â? No words can describe this confusion and so here goes: ?!

RATING: C.