Review of Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010) by Bob F — 12 Jul 2011

If this were a hand at poker, Rare Exports was dealt a winning hand ... but its film-makers flubbed the play and came up with a decent pot -- not an all-out win. Rare Exports is one of those RARE horror films with so-much potential that one is almost excited and/or giddy to get to watch it.

Nearing Christmas in the Laplands of northern Finland (drat ... it is subtitled y'all!), an English-speaking corporation has found THE burial ground of THE Santa Clause ... only it isn't the Santa we have all grown-up on.

This Santa boiled children alive and was feared as a ruthless killer ... how that part of the story became the legend that we all know is never explained; but once the burial mound is dug-up ... all kinds of havoc starts playing out in the area and the poor Laplanders don't stand much of a chance.

Making the situation even more eerie is the arrival of Santa's Elves ... old, bearded, naked men who eat flesh (so much for toy-tinkering). I was very excited to get to see this odd, unusual-yet-highly original feature; but was let down by it at it's end.

It is like that hand at poker that is "like un-beatable". Lesson learned ... "like un-beatable is NOT unbeatable!" (what movie is THAT from?). This film flounders several of its golden opportunities to scare the Christmas season away forever; but doesn't .

.. it ends up going lite on the real chills and that dastardly Santa is never fully revealed. It is a HUGE letdown; but still a fine fright flick. The herding of the elves is a sight ... I'll give 'em that.

Rare Exports doesn't live up to its potential; but it is still better than most of the creepy, suspense flicks making their ways to theaters.