Review of Primeval (2007) by Shane V — 19 Feb 2010

After screwing up the exposure of the a major scandal, a journalist and his cameraman are sent to central Africa to investigate the several-hundred killings perpetrated by an incredibly large crocodile.

This film is exactly what I expected: pure crap. But it wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be. The semi-interesting political plot involving the local gangs was a nice little turn. Unfortunately everything else was just plain bad. The acting was some of the worst I have ever seen (Orlando Jones seems to be the only one even trying) and only furthers our immediate dislike of every single character (I don't care how many seasons of "Prison Break" they made, Dominic Purcell CANNOT ACT). Usually even with 'Syfy' channel movies there is some slight element of suspense. Not so at all with "Primeval." The CGI was questionable, and the script was about as poor as the acting. I'm ashamed to say that the best camera work comes from the actual cameraman character. The atmosphere is fleeting, and whatever poor attempts they made to actually craft it are soon forgotten. The action was half-decent, Orlando Jones brings a nice (if short) breath of fresh air to the poor cast, acting, and characters. That little political nod was okay, and creates decent movements of excitement, but really pulls away from the reason we (the few) actually watch this flick: the monster. Overall we're left with nothing but a half-dose of mother-nature's madness, bad characters, bad acting, bad script, atmosphere... I think you can see where I going with this. I never in my life thought I'd ever appreciate "Slither"; at least that was fun in its own stupid way. The only reason you would ever see this film is for the crocodile. But if you're going to do that, see "Lake Placid." Hell, see "Rogue" if you must, but don't waste your time with this. Sometimes real life just doesn't make good tv. I give "Primeval" 2 questionable steel cages out of 10 for keeping me entertained.

"You know what? This crocodile's like O.J. Simpson. He messed up when he killed that white woman." Steven Johnson.